Teach me to Believe in Something
by jules456
Summary: The last chapter! Anyone who has not read this must at last read the last chapter! Lol! FINALLY! R
1. The Truth is a Whisper only a Choice

~ Teach me to Believe in Something ~ Prologue:  
  
He watched her from afar for so long since it happened. She had been avoiding him. Avoiding everyone. Ryan had yet to muster the courage up to go talk to her, the girl of his dreams, Marissa Cooper. It has been almost three months since her father was arrested for insurance fraud. Marissas mother took off soon after. Her dad was now out of jail, and on house arrest and on probation, with his trial pending.  
  
All of their belongings have been seized to pay back her fathers debts. The family, now only consisting of Marissa, Jimmy her father, and her little sister Kaitlyn were forced to move out of Newport. They scraped up enough money for the time being, to afford a small trailer right outside of the town. Jimmy had decided that it would be better for the kids to keep them in school with their friends, their "support", little did he know how wrong he was.  
  
Chapter 1: "The Truth is a Whisper Only a Choice"  
  
"Hi honey, how was school?" Marissas father asked as she came in the door  
  
"Great. I have a huge test in Calc tomorrow so I really have to study."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Did you need me to go pick up Kaitlyn?" Marissa asked  
  
"No, I thought she was taking the bus."  
  
Right then Kaitlyn walked in and slammed the door.  
  
"I HATE YOU DAD!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran to her bedroom and slammed the door.  
  
Marissa gave her dad a symphathetic look and followed Kaitlyn into her room.  
  
Marissa entered the room to find her little sister face down on the mattress, that lay alone on the floor.  
  
"What happened?" Marissa asked sitting down next to her little sister.  
  
"Kara said that it was my fault that she couldn't get a new cell phone, because dad took all of her dads money."  
  
"You know that's not true!" Marissa tried to convince her sister  
  
"What world are you living in!"  
  
"What world are you living in. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, they do all of the time. Dad knows what he did wrong. He doesn't need you or your friends to rub it in his face."  
  
"Friends, I HAVE NONE LEFT! Because of HIM."  
  
"God that is not just him," Marissa said brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "it's Dad, and he has done so much for us! Nothing is ever enough for you, is it! All he does is give and all you do is take."  
  
"God, now I know why mom never liked you. You think too much. You are so selfish! What about me? What about my pony! I have no idea who has her now. I have no friends and NO MONEY!"  
  
"You think that all there is to life is money. Well look around, WE HAVE NONE! So you better find something else to hang onto. I am tired of keeping everyone together! Making sure nobody bothers dad, making sure you go to school, trying to keep my grades up, worrying about how we will get our next meal, and you call me selfish!"  
  
Marissa yelled looking Kaitlyn in the eyes.  
  
"GET OUT!" Kaitlyn yelled  
  
"Whatever, you're not even worth my time."  
  
Marissa retreated to her room. She looked around. It was the size of her old closet. She had a mattress on the floor and a long mirror against the wall.  
  
Marissa looked in the mirror. She outlined her cheekbones with the tips of her fingers.  
  
"I thought you were going to wear your hair down, that's a little harsh on your angles."  
  
She didn't miss her mom.  
  
"She never loved dad," Marissa thought, "she just loved his money."  
  
Marissa stripped down into her bra and underwear and looked into the mirror at her nearly non-existant frame. Marissas body was thin and frail. But she didn't seem to notice. As she looked at herself, she was focusing on nothing. She didn't know the girl she was looking at and she liked it.  
  
She walked over to her trunk where she kept her clothes, and dug through until she found a razor. She sat on her bed and held the end of the blade to her thigh. Slowly she dug it in and pulled the blade across her leg horizontally, deeper and deeper until blood began to show. Marissa felt a rush of pleasure, . of peace. She did it over again, each time more satisfying, each time the more peaceful she felt. Soon her upper thighs were covered in blood and dripping down to her knees.  
  
Marissa lay on her bed, thighs still covered in blood, drawing the covers up to her chin, she wept herslef to sleep. 


	2. Nobody hears above this noise

Chapter Two: "Nobody hears above this noise"  
  
Thanks for the reviews guys! The only thing I'm having a problem with is the fact I can not find my story posted on Fanficion.net. Can anyone help me with that? Anyway, sorry for the late update. School has dragged me down. I'm shooting for at least two chapters a week. So here it goes!  
*Haley  
P.S- Long Chapter!  
  
Marissa took her seat in the cafeteria at a table alone. She kept her nose buried into her textbook trying to finish her sociology homework.  
  
"Hey Coop. Since when have you been so worried about your school work?" Summer said sliding onto the bench next to Marissa.  
  
"What do you want Summer?"  
  
"Nothing, I just had a couple of dollars on me. I wanted to know if you wanted to come steal it."  
  
"God Summer-" Marissa began before Seth and Ryan came up.  
  
"Summer hey." Seth said sitting down next to her.  
  
"Can't you see I'm talking Chad?" Summer said blindly to Seth  
  
"Um, it's Set-"  
  
Summer rolled her eyes and walked away. Ryan noticed Marissa slip out and followed her.  
  
"Marissa wait up!" Ryan said jogging to catch her. "Marissa!" He finally called again as this time he caught up to her.  
  
"Hey." Marissa said turning around.  
  
"Hey. Didn't you see me chasing you?"  
  
"I must not have noticed." Marissa lied  
  
"So how have you been?" Ryan asked  
  
"Great." Marissa said simply, trying to not make eye contact with Ryan.  
  
"So Seth and I are having this party on Saturday, do you want to come?"  
  
"Seth a party? Explain."  
  
"Well the Cohens are going out of town for the weekend."  
  
"So much for not getting into trouble." Marissa said now meeting Ryans ocean blue eyes.  
  
"This was all Seths idea. He wanted another way to get closer to Summer. He was working the whole, 'we're brothers now,' guilt trip. So you in?"  
  
"I'm not sure I can. I mean, It sounds great and all, but I don't know. I have to ask my dad."  
  
"Alright so. See you around?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Yeah. See ya." Marissa said taking off in the opposite direction.  
  
Ryan and Seth sat in their living room playing Grand Theft Auto that day after school.  
  
"Oh I so got you. What now! What, what!" Seth yelled at Ryan as Ryan looked at him and rolled his eyes. "Oh oh, who's bad now huh? Who's bad now!"  
  
Ryan shut off the playstation.  
  
"What? Can't take it when I beat you in your own game?"  
  
"I invited Marissa to the party."  
  
"What you did what!"  
  
"She hasn't been around lately, I've been worried about her."  
  
"Did you even stop to think that Luke is going to be here? Do you know what he would do if he sees you and Marissa together?"  
  
"What does it matter to him? They're not even together anymore."  
  
"You know how he is, as far as Luke is concerned she will always be his."  
  
"I didn't do it to cause any trouble. Nothing will happen. It will be fine. All that you need to worry about is Summer. Got it?" Patting Seth on the back walking out of the room.  
  
"Yeah yeah." Seth watches Ryan leave. "I just hope that you're right bro."  
  
Marissa sat in her room that night doing her homework.  
  
"Honey, I made dinner." Jimmy said coming in.  
  
"I already ate."  
  
"Oh, . ok."  
  
Marissa noticed the weird look on his face.  
  
"You okay dad?" She asked honestly worried, patting the spot on the bed next to her. "Sit."  
  
"I've just been feeling really bad lately hunny."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Kaitlyn has been so angry lately. She won't even speak to me. And you Marissa used to be so happy. What happened?"  
  
"Nothing happened. I'm fine Daddy."  
  
"It's just that you haven't been hanging out with friends and stuff at all lately. You haven't been to a party in god knows how long. That just worries me."  
  
Marissa thought for a second.  
  
"Have the kids been treating you alright?"  
  
"Of course they have. I just haven't hung out with Summer a lot because she has a new boyfriend." She lied. "I am still friends with everyone. Actually Seth is having a party on Saturday that I was planning on going to."  
  
The last thing that Marissa wanted was for her father to feel guilty about her social life, or more of a lack there of. Truth be told she was not even planning on going to the party before her dad brought it up, she hadn't even remembered it until then.  
  
"Seth Cohen?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That's great. I am glad to see that you guys are finally friends."  
  
"Yeah I mean. We lived next door to one another all of our lives. We were bound to become friends sooner or later."  
  
"I'm glad hun." He said kissing her forehead. "I love you sweet pea."  
  
"I love you too dad."  
  
That night Marissa fell asleeo on her father shoulder, dreading the party the next day.  
  
"Streamers, we forgot streamers!" Seth said completely freaking out.  
  
"Seth, we don't need streamers."  
  
"You cannot have a party with out streamers!" Seth said walking to the door.  
  
"When was the last time you went to a party?"  
  
"Chucky Cheeses third grade." Seth said completely missing the point, grabbing his skateboard.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To get streamers." He said running out the door.  
  
"This night is going to be very intersting." Ryan said moving the couch to make room for the keg.  
  
Marissa walked around the park aimlessly.  
  
"Marissa Cooper?" A girl behind her said.  
  
She turned around to see a girl about her age standing there. She had long brown hair so dark it looked black, and almost transparent blue eyes.  
  
"It figures that you don't remember me." She said.  
  
It took Marissa a couple of seconds to gather her thoughts.  
  
"Of course I remember you! Dylan Marlow!"  
  
Both of the girls squealed as they hugged eachother.  
  
"How did little Marissa Cooper end up here?"  
  
"No, you have some questions to answer. What happened?"  
  
Marissa used to live on the other side of Marissa, (not the Cohens side).  
  
"My dad was arrested for insurance fraud." Dylan said simply. "You?"  
  
"The same."  
  
That didn't surprise Marissa. At one point, before Dylans family disappeared from the Newport social scene when Marissa and Dylan were eleven, their fathers had worked together.  
  
"Well your dad probably picked up everything he knew from mine, including how to get caught." Dylan laughed for a moment but then stopped noticing Marissas discomfort.  
  
"So how are your mother and brothers?"  
  
"Charlie got arrested for drugs a year ago. Um, Davie is good, he will be a sophmore this year, and Gavin is going into fifth grade. How is Kaitlyn?"  
  
"Oh, you know. As bratty as ever."  
  
"And your mother?"  
  
"My mom left when dad lost his money. We haven't heard from her since."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Hey, not really my loss." Marissa said laughing.  
  
"So what are you up to tonight?" Dylan asked sitting on the dirt ground.  
  
"Nothing. Just some Newport party. Seths."  
  
"Seth Cohen is having a party?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Dylan and Seth had always been friends. She was the only one that was able to put up with his action heroes, video games, and comics.  
  
"So he has like friends now?"  
  
"Kind of."  
  
She explained to Dylan about Ryan, and Seths crush on Summer.  
  
"You wanna come with me?"  
  
"You know it. Former victims of Newport stick together."  
  
"I have to get back home and clean up before I go. Meet me at the pond at seven?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Marissa went home, to find beer bottles all over the floor. She found her dad passed out on the couch.  
  
"Daddy." She said as she whispered in his ear. "Daddy you awake?"  
  
"Yeah baby. I'm just sleeping." He said, with an obvious hangover.  
  
"You remember I'm going to Seths party tonight?"  
  
"Yeah." He said passing out again.  
  
Marissa suddenly felt dizzy. A sharp pain shot up her spine. She entered her bathroom and curled up in the floor in a ball, crying. She didn't know why she had these random breakdowns, it just happened. She looked at her reflection. She stared once again for so long, as she always felt herself doing. Suddenly she remembered something. She opened up her medicine cabinet, and immediately found what she was looking for. There infront of her sat a bottle of her fathers pain medication. She thoughtlessly grabbed the bottle and downed a couple of pills not even bothering to get water.  
  
Suddenly she felt the world rush away. All of the pain, disappear. She felt as if she were floating. 


	3. It's always a risk when you try to belie...

Chapter Three: "It's always a risk when you try to believe"  
  
Hey guys, thanks for the reviews again! I was feeling generous and decided to put up two rather long chapters at once. I am surprised how invested I suddenly became in this story. Probably because I am obsessed with the OC. I think you will be surprised where this story eventually goes, but I hope you like it! BTW: All chapter titles are one lyric in the song "truth is a whisper", by the Goo-Goo dolls.  
  
Marissa and Dylan snuck into the party unnoticed.  
  
"Hey, I'm going to go get a beer. Do you want anything?"  
  
"No, I'm fine for now." She said grabbing a bottle of vodka off of the table next to her, flashing Dylan a smile.  
  
"Alright then. So we'll meet up soon?" Dylan asked  
  
"Yeah." Marissa said taking a swig out of the bottle.  
  
Dylan dances off in the opposite direction.  
  
"What are you doing here Cooper?" A guy Greg says approaching her with speed.  
  
"What's it to you?" Marissa said  
  
"Marissa." Ryan said cutting between the two.  
  
"Hey Ryan." Marissa said stuttering.  
  
The vodka mixed with the pain meds had really begun to affect her.  
  
"Lets take a walk."  
  
Marissa and Ryan walked along the beach with one another. Marissa with her head on his shoulder, as to steady her unstable body.  
  
"So how have you been since everything?" Ryan asked steadying them against a rock.  
  
"Great. I mean, my mom is gone, my sister hates me, I HAVE NO FRIENDS!" Marissa yelled drunkenly finding humor in the whole thing. "I am doing just fine and dandy Mr. Atwood."  
  
Meanwhile, back at the house.  
  
"Dylan? Dylan Marlow?" Seth said coming up to her.  
  
"Nice turn out Seth." She said smiling at the first sight of her former neighbor in five years.  
  
"So Dyl- I mean you like- well what happened?"  
  
Dylan and Seth sat on the side of the pool telling each other what they have been up to.  
  
Three hours later they see Ryan carrying Marissa into his pool house.  
  
"Is that guy carrying Marissa? He better not put a hand on her!" Dylan asked  
  
"It's okay, that's Ryan."  
  
They enter the pool house cautiously.  
  
"Hey man what's up with Cooper?" Seth asked  
  
"We were walking along the beach and she passed out. I think she had a little too much to drink."  
  
"I'm Dylan. I used to live on the other side of Marissa. I've heard a lot about you." She said extending a hand to Ryan.  
  
"Ryan, nice to meet you."  
  
"So what are you going to do with her?"  
  
"I don't know." Ryan said.  
  
"You brought her back to the house and you didn't even have a plan!"  
  
"I was- it was, to just let her sleep." Ryan said shrugging and looking away.  
  
Dylan looked at her watch.  
  
"Shit I've got to get home or else my stepfather is going to flip. Tell Marissa to call me tomorrow."  
  
"Alright, I'll walk you out." Seth said.  
  
~ The next morning.  
  
"Ugh." Marissa said waking up in an unfamiliar bed.  
  
She stepped out of bed and felt something hard beneath her, but it wasn't the floor. It was Ryan. He flipped out from under her causing Marissa to fall on her face, only making her hangover worse.  
  
"Oh my god, are you okay." Ryan said kneeling over where she was lying on the floor.  
  
It took Marissa awhile to come to her senses, sprawled out on Ryans floor.  
  
"Why am I here?" Marissa asked.  
  
"You were pretty drunk last night and you passed out."  
  
"Did we-" Marissa said, her face getting a scared expression  
  
"No! Nothing happened with us. You know not all guys are like that right?"  
  
Marissa just sat there and didn't respond  
  
"How have you been?"  
  
"God Ryan I have a hangover like you wouldn't believe, and my dad is probably worried sick about me. I'm just going to go home." Marissa said getting up and heading to the door.  
  
"I'm not going to let you walk home in your condition!" Ryan said  
  
"I think the fresh air will be good for my head."  
  
"Well then let me walk with you."  
  
"Fine whatever, let's just go." She said putting her hand on the door knob.  
  
"Alright, let me just go put on a shirt." Ryan aid retreating to his bathroom  
  
Marissa took that opportunity to slip out of the pool house.  
  
"Back." Ryan said as he entered the empty room. "Marissa?"  
  
Seth rushed in.  
  
"Ryan my mom and dad are going to be back at noon. We have to clean all this shit up like now!"  
  
"But Marissa-"  
  
"Come on Ryan." Seth said.  
  
"Fine." He said  
  
Marissa walked along the side of the highway with her hands on her head, feeling the fast breeze of the cars buzzing by her. A familiar black SUV pulls up next to her.  
  
Marissa stops and stares, one hand on her head trying to stop the ache, the other on her forehead blocking the sun so she could see the figure that stepped out of the car.  
  
"Well well." Luke said as he stepped out of the car. "Didn't fancy seeing you walking along the side of the road."  
  
"Leave me alone Luke." Marissa said trying to push past him  
  
"I was offering you a ride." Luke said helping Marissa into his truck.  
  
Luke began driving. A little while later Marissa noticed that they were headed in the wrong direction.  
  
"My house is back that way."  
  
"So I saw you I the pool house last night wit that kid from Chino."  
  
"His name is Ryan." Marissa said slightly annoyed at Lukes reference to Ryan and the fact that she still had no idea where she was going.  
  
"So whats up with you two."  
  
"Nothing is up with us. He is just my friend. He has been the only one who acted as if I'm human since my father lost all of the money."  
  
"I'm so sorry, can I make it up to you?" Luke said as suddenly they stopped. Luke had taken them to a big secluded field.  
  
Luke slid his hand up Marissas leg.  
  
"Get off me jerk!" Marissa said trying to fight him off of her.  
  
She opened the door and took off running. Luke caught up with her though in no time and tackled her to the ground.  
  
~ Later that night  
  
Marissa snuck through her window. The pain she felt pulsating through her body was unbearable, as she pulled her body through the tiny opening.  
  
She fell through the window onto her mattress. She lay there on her bed for what seemed like forever until it sunk in, . she had been raped, . by Luke. She ran to the trash can and threw up as the realization sunk in., or maybe it was her hangover.  
  
"Oh god, oh god, oh god." Marissa said to herself holding her knees rocking back and forth.  
  
Her face was a ghostly white. Marissa clawed around the floor in the unlit room until she found a razor. She held it to herself, but this time to her wrists.  
  
She had to wait to steady her hand before she began. She pushed the tip of the razor into her arms and slid it across. A satisfying amout of blood showed with each push, each pull of the razor, until Marissa sat, covered in her own blood. And in the peace she now felt, she fell asleep. still bleeding.  
  
Chapter four: "I know theres so much more than me"  
  
Ryan sat in his pool house. He was worried not having yet heard from Marissa. Dylan and Seth had gone out sailing earlier that day. The Cohens had not noticed anything different when they arrived home. Seth and Ryan left no trace that there had been a party there.  
  
Ryan sat contemplating whether or not to try to find her new house, but decided against it for the time being. He didn't have a reason to be, . or did he?  
  
Marissa awoke at noon the next day. She didn't feel like getting out of bed but she had to go check on her father and Kaitlyn.  
  
Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when she entered the living room.  
  
"Mom." Marissa said in an inaudible voice.  
  
"Marissa, you look, ." she looked her daughter up and down, "well you did just wake up."  
  
"What are you doing here? Does dad know you are here?"  
  
"I know shes here pumpkin." Jimmy said coming out of the bathroom.  
  
"Mom has a big announcement to make!" Kaitlyn said excitedly siting new to her mother on the couch, first moving the beer bottles out of the way.  
  
"Like I care." Marissa said sitting on the kitchen counter.  
  
Her dad offered her cereal but Marissa just shook her head no.  
  
"So mom, you can leave if you're not going to say anything."  
  
"He mom eld out her ring finger for all to see."  
  
"What the hell is that?" Jimmy said  
  
"Oh James, don't be so naïve, it is an engagement ring."  
  
"A what!" Marissa said  
  
"You're getting married!" Kaitlyn said excitedly "Does that mean that now we will have money again?"  
  
"It does honey."  
  
"Yes!" Kaitlyn squealed  
  
"So Jimmy, I guess I will be taking the girls." She said giving her trademark look.  
  
Jimmy didn't respond.  
  
"I'm not going with you mom. I'm staying with Daddy."  
  
"I figured. For that reason I only told Chip that I have one daughter."  
  
"Excuse me?" Marissa said  
  
"I figured if I told him I had a sixteen year old daughter that it would make me seem too old."  
  
Marissa didn't respond. She just sat on the counter picking at her pajama pants. Kaitlyn did not even say goodbye to her father. She skipped out of the trailer with her mother fifteen minutes later.  
  
Jimmy went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer.  
  
"You okay honey?" Jimmy asked putting his hand on Marissas knee  
  
Marissa flinched at his touch, not wanting to have anybody near her since what happened with Luke.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
"No, I'm fine. I think I'm going to walk to the store and get milk though. Do you want anything?"  
  
"No pumpkin, I'm alright."  
  
"I love you." She said jumping off of the counter and kissing him on the forehead before rushing outside, still in her pajamas.  
  
Marissa ran to the pond just outside of the trailer park, and knelt by the side. She curled up into a ball and started crying. She had no idea how long she was there before she heard Dylans voice.  
  
"Marissa? What's wrong with you? Are you okay?" She held her sobbing friend trying to calm her.  
  
Seth was there with her, dropping her off from the sailing trip when they saw Marissa by the pond.  
  
"Is she okay?" Seth asked  
  
"I don't know. I have no idea what happened." She stroked Marissas hair. "Marissa what's up? Talk to me baby."  
  
"Lets take her to her house." Seth said  
  
"No can do. I do not know where she lives. This is a really big park."  
  
"Alright well we can just take her back to my place." Seth said picking Marissa up.  
  
"Strong Man!" Dylan sings  
  
"I'm not strong. She weighs nothing." Seth said concerned.  
  
Marissa hardly seemed to notice their presence.  
  
Seth called Ryan on the phone from the car and told him to meet him when he beeped. He had not told Ryan that he had Marissa in the back seat.  
  
"What's going on?" Ryan asked coming down from the house.  
  
"We got Marissa in the back. I have no idea what happened."  
  
"Is she okay."  
  
"I was hoping you could tell me." Dylan said opening the back seat of the car where Marissa was still curled up, although she was not bawling anymore.  
  
Ryan pushed past Dylan and Seth and climbed into the back seat to get Marissas limp body.  
  
"Come on Marissa." Ryan said picking her up. Not even saying anything to Dylan or Seth as he carried her back to his room.  
  
Set began to follow but Dylan stopped him.  
  
"I think that we should let Ryan handle it."  
  
Ryan took Marissa into his room.  
  
"Marissa what going on, you have got to talk to me."  
  
She still didn't respond.  
  
"Marissa!" Ryan said grabbing her shoulders shaking them.  
  
Ryan left Marissa lying on his bed and went into his bathroom and turned the water in the shower on cold.  
  
He returned to her bed and pulled off Marissas mud caked pants. He stepped back and put his hand over his mouth when he saw her thighs. Both legs covered in deep cuts. Dried blood was covering them. He tried to get over the sight as he stripped off her shirt. He saw the same thing on both of her wrists.  
  
"Come on baby." He picked Marissa up and carried her to the shower. He stepped in with her and supported her body.  
  
Marissa yelped as she felt the cold water touch her skin. Suddenly Ryan felt her collapse in his arms. He sunk to the bottom of the shower with her as she wept in his arms.  
  
Marissa woke up that night with the moonlight poring through the window. She felt Ryans stron arms wrapped around her and she relaxed in them.  
  
Ryan smelled the scent of Marissas hair as she settled back against his chest. He wished that they could stay like that forever. In that moment, with the girl of his dreams lying in his arms he felt as if anything were possible.  
  
Ryan began to stir. Marissa realized that he was awake.  
  
Ryan leaned over Marissa and kissed her forehead.  
  
"So, you ready to talk?" He asked sitting up.  
  
Marissa sat up as well but backed away form him, now on the other side of the bed.  
  
"What do you mean? Nothing has been going on." Marissa said pulling her knees to her chest.  
  
"Liar." Ryan said looking Marissa in the eyes. "I know something has been going on with you. I saw your legs Marissa. I saw your arms. I felt your body."  
  
"So? Ryan you have no idea how hard this has been!"  
  
"So what now you're the only one that has had a hard life! Marissa when was the last time you ate anything?" He said lowering his voice.  
  
Marissa didn't answer.  
  
"What has been going on with you."  
  
Marissas body tensed. She got flashes of her father getting beaten up, her mother leaving, Luke raping her. It was just too much to take.  
  
"I don't know." Marissa whispered.  
  
"I want to help you." Ryan said to her  
  
"You just have to tell me how."  
  
"Can you take me home?" Marissa asked  
  
"Marissa- "  
  
"Ryan just please take me home."  
  
"Alright."  
  
Ryan drove Marissa back to the trailer park that she now called home. There were police cars surrounding her house.  
  
"What happened?" Marissa asked rushing out of the car.  
  
Trying to hold up Ryans rather large boxers on herself.  
  
"We are looking for Marissa Cooper." The officer said.  
  
"Who are you?" Marissa asked "Where is my dad?"  
  
"Your father was charged with insurance fraud today."  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Marissa said freaking out. "Ryan I missed my fathers trial. Today was the court date!"  
  
"Is there anything we can help you with." Ryan said stepping up infront of Marissa.  
  
"All of Mr. Coopers remaining property is to be seized by the IRS." The officer informed them  
  
"I want to see my father." Marissa said.  
  
"We have to take you with us Marissa."  
  
"I do not think it's necessary to take her anywhere." Ryan said.  
  
"You have to come with us unless you have another place other than this to reside for the time being."  
  
Marissa dug her bare feet into the ground.  
  
"She can stay with me."  
  
"And who are you?" The officer asked taking out a piece of paper to write the information down for where Marissa could be found.  
  
Ryan stood in the kitchen fixing a turkey sandwich late that night. Kirsten came onto the kitchen.  
  
"Ryan. What are you doing up this late?" She said opening the cabinet to get a cup.  
  
"I'm making a sandwich for. Marissa."  
  
"Marissa!" Kirsten said in shock  
  
Ryan explained the story for what felt like the hundredth time.  
  
"So Jimmy is in jail?" She said still in shock.  
  
"Yeah. So is it cool of Marissa stays here for awhile? I mean I wouldn't normally ask something like this f you but it's just that she has nowhere to go and-"  
  
"Of course I don't mind. Ryan, just be careful. She has been through a lot."  
  
"I know. I would never hurt her."  
  
More soon!  
~Haley 


	4. And now your caught in the ruse of the w...

Chapter Four: "And now you're caught in the ruse of the World"  
  
New Chapter ladies and gents! Um, yeah so enjoy!!  
  
~ Haley  
  
~ 4 weeks later, Ryan and Seth drove home from school.  
  
"So she still has not come out of the room?" Seth asked Ryan  
  
"No. She doesn't even talk. She just lays there."  
  
They arrive at the Cohen house  
  
"Up for a game of grand theft auto?" Seth asked Ryan.  
  
"In a little bit man. I'm going to go check on her."  
  
Ryan saw Marissa still curled up in the bed before he opened the door. But then he noticed something different, . she was crying.  
  
"Marissa." Ryan said as he approached her.  
  
Marissa jumped out of the bed and grabbed Ryan tightly, her whole body shaking from her harsh sobs. Ryan held her shaking body firmly against his. He pulled her to the bed and laid down beside her, and held her until she fell asleep, whispering in her ear, "I will help you if it's the last thing I do. You just have to let me in."  
  
And with that he kissed her forehead and fell asleep as well.  
  
Late that night Sandy and Kirsten sat in the living room.  
  
"Has Marissa come out yet?" Sandy asked  
  
"No. I was wondering though if you would do something for me."  
  
"Anything honey?"  
  
"Jimmy wants to file an appeal. Will you represent him?"  
  
Sandys smile turned into an angry scowl."No, no, absolutely not!" Sandy said storming out of the room.  
  
Ryan awoke the next morning to see Marissa up and dressed.  
  
"Whats going on?"  
  
"So what a girl can't get out of bed once in awhile?" Marissa said smiling.  
  
"Well yeah but, . are you sure that you are okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm great. Now get up. I've missed weeks of school and don't want to be late."  
  
Ryan looked at Marissa quizzically as she skipped out of his room.  
  
"Did that really happen?" Ryan asked himself as she left  
  
Marissa held her head in her hands and leaned against the side of the pool house.  
  
*I've taken up too much of their time, I have to show them that I am better. I have to show Ryan that I am better.*  
  
Marissa knew that she as lying to herself but had no other choice. She had to show Ryan that he made a difference.  
  
Suddenly her stomach lurched and she vomited in the bushes. Of course it was all water and juice because that is all that she didn't refuse to take in.  
  
"Marissa honey are you okay?" Kirsten asked her coming over to her.  
  
"Yeah fine. I just, I don't know, . have not moved around in so long and all."  
  
Kirsten patted Marissa on the back.  
  
"You hungry, I made breakfast."  
  
"No, I can never eat in the morning." Marissa said in her usual cheery voice.  
  
But something was different this time. Her eyes didn't dance like the usually did, they were cold, sad and distant.  
  
"Are you sure, I mean I already made you a plate." Kirsten urged  
  
"I'm fine, really." Marissa said turning away from her  
  
"Alright. You know that I am here if you need to talk to me right?" Kirsten said.  
  
"Yeah. Thanks." Marissa said giving her a smile.  
  
As they headed out for school Marissa stopped dead in her tracks. Somebody was moving into her house! Seeing the people moving in both parents and two little girls, was like looking at a snapshot of her past. Of the hope that she had. What she would never have again..  
  
Seth noticed Marissa staring.  
  
"You ready Cooper?" He asked  
  
"Yeah. I'm ready." Marissa said absent mindedly hopping into the SUV.  
  
Marissa did remarkably well not paying attention to the stares that she received in the hallway. All was going well, until 6th period.  
  
"Hey." Luke said sliding in the seat next to hers.  
  
Marissa looked around for someone to save her but nobody was to be found.  
  
"You got all that you wanted from me." Marissa said looking at the ground and lowering her voice so he didn't see the tears coming to her eyes.  
  
"You know you liked it baby." Luke said looking like he was doing his best impersonation of Danny from Grease.  
  
Marissa got up just before he touched her arm, and ran out of the room. Luke followed her out.  
  
"Hey Marissa where are you going?"  
  
Luke asked pulling her into the locker room.  
  
"Luke please let go of me!" She pleaded as he shoved a rough uncaring hand up her skirt.  
  
"Or what? Will you scream?"  
  
Marissa didn't respond, she just looked away in tears.  
  
"I didn't think so." Luke said.  
  
Five minutes later Seth Cohen walked into the locker room.  
  
"God, I wasn't even looking at them." He whined dobbing the blood stained on his bottom lip, after having gotten beaten up, . yet again. "Just because some people may happen to be-" Seth stopped talking to himself when he heard a sound.  
  
He peeked around the stall to see Luke with Marissa up against the wall in the shower stall, with her legs wrapped around his waist, and his pants at his anckles. He could not believe what he was seeing. Should he go over there? . "Wait," he thought "what if they are just having sex?" But something on Marissas face told him other wise. But something in his head told him to get out of there, and confront Marissa about it later. Seth fled the bathroom, just missing Marissas cries for help.  
  
The ride home was silent. Ryan didn't say anything because he never did, and Marissa just looked out the window. But it was out of character for Seth not to be talking. Even when he had nothing to say he found something to just roll off his tongue.  
  
When they went inside of the house Ryan went to the bathroom which gave Seth the perfect opportunity to talk to Marissa.  
  
"Hey." He said handing her a bowl of popcorn.  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Marissa refusing food." Seth though to himself sarcastically "So I saw you and Luke today."  
  
"What?" Marissa said her head popping up.  
  
"You and Luke in the showers, Marissa, . was he like, forcing himself on you or something?"  
  
"No of course not." Marissa got up. "I was out a long time. I have a lot of homework to catch up on." She said running out to the pool house.  
  
Ryan returned  
  
"Wheres Marissa?" Seth walked over to Ryan  
  
"I saw something today and I'm not sure exactly what it means."  
  
"What happened?" Ryan asked worry etched in his face.  
  
"I. I mean, I think, well what I mean to say is I think I saw Luke raping Marissa."  
  
"What!" Ryan almost yelled.  
  
It took him awhile to collect himself, before he walked out to the pool house to find Marissa as always crying on his bed.  
  
"We need to talk." Ryan said  
  
Marissa looked up, eyes red and puffy  
  
"I think so too." 


	5. It's just a promise noone ever keeps

Chapter Five: "It's just a promise on-one ever keeps"  
  
Hey, nice new chapter. I assure you that it is worth the read. I REALLY want to know what you think of this chapter, b.c it sets the tone for the rest of the story. Read and review!  
~ Haley  
  
Ryan scooted to sit next to Marissa on the bed, who moved away at his closeness.  
  
"Are you ready to talk to me?" Ryan asked trying to look her in her eye. Marissa didn't respond. "You know whatever you say will stay between you and me?" Ryan added, with that Marissa took a deep breath, she tried to speak but nothing came out. Not a tear fell from her eye, they had all been spent over the last couple weeks.  
  
"I don't even know where to start." She said quietly eyes bolting back and forth as if they were a representation of all of her confusion.  
  
"How about the eating?"  
  
"That's always kind of been a given. All of the problems with food and me and all." She added, "I remember the first numbers that my mom taught me to count were calories. When I was in the third grade I started only eating the exact serving sizes. 55 Goldfish crackers, 86 Cheerios. But then it became a game to me. I would only eat half of the serving sizes. And then I would not eat at all. I mean, I got better with it all last year. But I don't know everything just like. I donno, fell apart again I guess." She said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"And you and your mother?" Ryan asked  
  
"I was never good enough for her. She was really young when she had me and all. I don't know. We just never had that connection you know?" Marissa stopped and rubbed her eyes. "Well I guess you do know."  
  
Marissa stopped and nervously played with her fingers. Ryan knew that she would only say something if she were asked to.  
  
"What about Luke?"  
  
Marissa sunk down into the bed and snuggled up in the covers. Ryan scooted a little closer, but this time Marissa did not move away.  
  
"Can we not talk about Luke right now please?" Marissa said, pain and annoyance evident in her voice.  
  
"I think we need to. Seth told me that he saw you and Luke in the showers today at school, and what was going on was not exactly. mutual."  
  
Marissa didn't respond she just lay there.  
  
"Marissa is what Seth told me true?"  
  
Ryan could feel Marissa's body begin to shake next to him, as her body was over come by sobs. Right then he knew.  
  
"Shh, baby it's going to be okay." He said pulling her into his lap. "Shh." He whispered into her ear. "It will all be okay. Luke will never get away with this."  
  
Marissa backed up from Ryan with fascinating speed.  
  
"You can NEVER tell anyone about this. This has to stay between you Seth and I."  
  
"Marissa-"  
  
"Honestly it would only make things worse Ryan. It's no big deal, he has done it before."  
  
"What!" Ryan said almost hysterically. "How many times has he done this?"  
  
"It doesn't matter." Marissa said moving against the headboard wiping fresh tears  
  
"Yes Marissa it does, and you know it."  
  
"I mean, . when we were going out. there were times," she took a deep breath, and then continued, "there were times that he wanted to, and I didn't. But that wasn't the same." She said suddenly focusing very hard on the hand nail hanging off of her pinky. "I mean we were going out., but now we're not. I guess he still thinks that I'm his.. He has done it twice since then.rap-" she sniffed, "He has raped me twice since then."  
  
Ryan was taken aback. Twice? How could he have not known? Why didn't she come to him?  
  
"When?"  
  
".The time today. and once, . about a month ago, the night of Seths party, when I walked out on you." Marissa said her voice fading off. "Ironic isn't it?"  
  
"Marissa you have to go to the hospital, you have to get a rape kit and-"  
  
"Do you know who Luke is! Do you know who his father is! He would never get charged with anything. I let him do it to me when we were together and I did now!"  
  
"You did not let him these two times! He took advantage of you!"  
  
"Ryan, please. Just let it be."  
  
"How do we know he won't do it again Marissa?"  
  
"I think that he got all that he wanted." Marissa said her voice trailing off  
  
"How."  
  
"I know him. He's done with me. I saw him with Summer after school."  
  
"I want to help you."  
  
"Do you know how you can help me? Stay with me. Do not abandon me. Ryan right now you're the only person I trust, I mean besides Dylan, Seth and all but you know. Just be there."  
  
". I'm going to take a walk." Ryan said leaving the pool house.  
  
Ryan fiercely ran his fingers through his hair. Marissa had given him a lot to digest. Why was she protecting him? He raped her! Thoughts ran rapid through his mind. What was he going to do?  
  
Ryan turned to see Marissa storm past her in the direction of the boardwalk, he didn't even bother to follow her. He didn't want to make the situation worse than it already was.  
  
~ Marissa entered the Crab Shack to see Dylan there.  
  
"Coop!" Dylan called out to her waving her over.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Are you okay?" Dylan asked Marissa. "Seth told me what happened with your dad."  
  
"So what's up with you and Seth anyway?" Marissa said trying to change the subject  
  
"Oh no, you're not going to pull that. I asked you a question."  
  
One thing that Marissa forgot about Dylan over the years was her tendency to be blunt. Dylan loved everyone, she honestly did, but she thought in most cases people benefit from the truth.  
  
"I'm fine I guess." Marissa said simply. "So what are you doing over here?"  
  
"I love crabs." Dylan said  
  
"Well you sure have had your share of them." Marissa said, both of the girls laughing at her joke.  
  
"Oh like you would know!" Dylan weakly defended herself "So what brings you here?" Dylan asked her, "Food joints are not exactly your scene."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean."  
  
"Um, you don't eat." Dylan said  
  
"I don't know. I've been really hungry lately. I have no idea why."  
  
Dylan looked eyes  
  
"Have you been able to like keep stuff down?"  
  
"Yeah. It won't come back up." Marissa said catching herself, "not like I've tried or anything." She added as Dylan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Maybe you're pregnant." Dylan said laughing, "Whatever you say." Dylan finished just before the two girls placed their orders.  
  
Hehe hehe! I hope u like. Ask for more, get more. 


	6. And now it's changing in your sleep

Chapter Six: "And now it's changing in your sleep"  
  
Oh my god! It has been too long. I hope that this is as exciting for you as it is for me. Wow I am a dork. Thanks for the reviews kids. I have a long chapter for you, and it kinda sets the tone for whats to come so. For the one who asked Dylan is not anyone from the show. Just kinda a character thrown in there by me, but is there for anyone elses use if they want her. Good times all.  
~ Haley  
  
Ryan woke up holding Marissa. She had a nightmare the night before and begged him to come into the bed to lay with her. He made her "feel safe."  
  
Ryan slid out of bed and went into the kitchen of the main house.  
  
"Hey." He said to Sandy who was standing in the kitchen.  
  
Ryan assumed that he and Kirsten had gotten into a fight. Things were tense between them.  
  
"I made breakfast." Sandy said. "There is a plate for you and a plate for Marissa."  
  
"Thanks." Ryan said grabbing the tray with their plates.  
  
"Oh Ryan." Sandy laid a small flower on the side of her plate and gave his adopted son a wink.  
  
Ryan grinned at Sandy as he made his way back to the pool house.  
  
"Rise and Shine." Ryan said setting the tray on the bed next to Marissa.  
  
Marissa slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes.  
  
"I have our breakfast."  
  
At the sight of the food Marissa felt nauseous. She sat for a second trying to push back the vomit in the throat, but could no longer suppress it as Ryan chased after her.  
  
He held her hair and gently stroked her back as she emptied her stomach into the toilet.  
  
The ride to school was silent that day. The group of the three teens broke up as they got out of the car without a word.  
  
Ryan and Seth sat together in Chem.  
  
"So hows she doing?"  
  
"Better. Ryan said. "Yeah, I mean she is sick all of the time. I think it's just stress though." Ryan said looking at Seth out of the corner of his eye, waiting for a reaction.  
  
"What do you mean sick?"  
  
"I don't know. She just gets really nauseous around food early in the morning and late at night."  
  
"She's pregnant Ryan." Seth said looking up from the experiment, his expression getting serious.  
  
"What? No she's not!" Ryan said defensively  
  
"Ryan, she was, . ya know by Luke a month ago. She wasn't like this before. Think about it."  
  
Ryan stopped as the realization sunk in. He had to find Marissa. He ran out of Chem. without even giving Seth any warning.  
  
Luckily it was Marissas lunch period.  
  
"Ryan. What are you doing here?"  
  
Ryan found her sitting alone by the fountain. He figured that she would not be in the dining hall seeing how that was not exactly her scene anymore.  
  
"Marissa, I really need to talk to you, but not here." Ryan said not looking her in the eye.  
  
" . okay." Marissa said, Ryan was scaring her  
  
The entered the locker room, . Marissa hadn't been there since the incident with Luke.  
  
Ryan gestured for Marissa to follow him as he entered a stall.  
  
Marissa crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at the floor shaking her head no.  
  
"That stall is where it happened." Marissa said her voice a whisper  
  
"I'm sorry." Ryan said grabbing her arms. The fresh cuts that were there would not go unnoticed, even by a blind eye. Ryan thought to bring it up, but right then they had bigger fish to fry. "Is there any possibility that you could be um. ya know."  
  
"No I don't know." Marissa said raising her eyebrows shifting her weight from one foot to another.  
  
"Areyoupregnant?" Ryan said so fast that it was inaudible.  
  
"What?" Marissa asked leaning towards him  
  
"Are you. um pregnant?"  
  
Ryan's words hit Marissa like a ton of bricks. Of course she wasn't . was she? Luke had used protection right? . he hadn't. Marissa realized. Or maybe he did and she just forgot. Honestly she has no idea.  
  
"Of course that is not true! God you just want to make things worse don't you?!" Marissa yelled getting defensive.  
  
"Marissa I'm just saying that may explain the way you have been feeling lately!" He said stepping towards her.  
  
"I think you just need to leave me alone right now. I will see you at home." Marissa said storming out of the locker room.  
  
Dylan arrived home to see Marissa sitting on her porch, staring off into the distance.  
  
"Marissa you okay?" She asked sitting next to her  
  
"I don't think so. I think you were right." Marissa said, "I think I'm pregnant."  
  
15 minutes later Dylan and Marissa were at the drug store.  
  
Dylan noticed the Marissa had Ryans jacket wrapped tightly around her shoulders, as she stood in the isle of home pregnancy tests looking like a lost puppy.  
  
Dylan took it upon herself to browse through the shelves.  
  
"Which one?" Dylan asked Marissa holding up a First Response, and a EPT.  
  
Marissa shrugged.  
  
"Um both then." Dylan said as the two approached the counter.  
  
*~  
Ryan was waiting for Marissa to get home in silence.  
  
Seth knocked on Ryan's door before he came in.  
  
"Hey man." He joined Ryan on the bed and patted his knee.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Still no word from Marissa?"  
  
The expression on Ryans face answered the question. *~  
  
"How much longer?" Marissa asked Dylan as Dylan watched the clock.  
  
"Three minutes."  
  
~*  
  
"If shes pregnant with Lukes kid what are you going to do?"  
  
"I don't want to worry about that right now." Ryan said lying back on the bed  
  
~*  
  
Marissa paced back and forth in the small trailer.  
  
"Time." Dylan said.  
  
Marissa picked up the tests from the coffee table.  
  
"You look." Marissa ordered Dylan  
  
"Are you sur-"  
  
Marissa nodded her head furiously.  
  
"You do it."  
  
Dylan looked at the two sticks that she held in her hands and then at Marissa.  
  
It was eight o' clock that night when Marissa showed up at the pool house. Ryan was waiting for her.  
  
"Hey. Whats up?" Ryan asked Marissa dumbly.  
  
"I, I just came to pack my stuff." Marissa said wrapping her arms around her body  
  
"You cannot."  
  
"Ryan, . you were right."  
  
MORE SOON NOW I HAVE THE COMP BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. You know all I am

Chapter 7: "You know all I am"  
  
This chapter kinda gets back into the teens hanging out and trying to get their lives back to normal. It is a little heavy at first but ends with good ol' OC goodness! Enjoy.  
  
~ Haley  
  
"You mean you're?"  
  
Marissa just looked away from Ryan tears welling up in her eyes. There was a long silence between them.  
  
"Look Ryan I just really need to get my stuff and go bec-"  
  
"Where do you think that you are going to go Marissa?" Ryan said stepping closer to her "You are going to have a baby Marissa. I am not going to let you live out on the streets. Trust me, I've been there. I will be there for you and this baby."  
  
"You can't Ryan! It's not fair-"  
  
"You know what Marissa? Love is not fair. But I love you and would do anything for you. I would do anything for this baby, . your baby. It can be ours."  
  
"Ryan think rationally! It's not yours! It is not your problem!"  
  
"I am willing to be the father Marissa. I don't want that baby to not have a father. I love you Marissa and everything that comes along with you including this baby."  
  
"Really?" Marissa asked stepping closer to Ryan.  
  
"Really." Ryan shared.  
  
And right there for the first time they shared a kiss.  
  
The next morning Seth found Ryan and Marissa curled up on the bed together. He shook the couple awake.  
  
"Marissa, Ryan."  
  
The turned over yawning and rubbing their eyes.  
  
"Mornin' love birds."  
  
"Seth." Marissa said squinting as she sat up, with Ryan following rubbing the small of her back.  
  
"Hey Seth."  
  
"So how goes it with you guys?" Seth said putting his hands on his hips raising his eyebrows  
  
"Well-" Ryan began but Marissa flew to the bathroom.  
  
Seth followed them to see Ryan holding Marissas hair and rubbing her back as she emptied her stomach.  
  
"We're going to have a baby." Ryan said simply.  
  
Seth was taken back by the use of the "we're".  
  
"What do you mean "we're"?" Seth asked  
  
"Marissa and I are having a baby." Ryan said again  
  
"Congratulations guys." Seth said. "Um, Ryan man can I talk to you for a minute."  
  
"Yeah." Ryan said as he helped Marissa up. "I'll be right back." He told her as she nodded.  
  
Seth and Ryan went outside of the pool house.  
  
"Are you crazy? You're 17! You don't need a baby, especially if it is not yours!"  
  
"Seth. I need to do this. Marissa cannot handle it alone. Trust me I know what I'm doing."  
  
"Just as long as you're sure." Seth said holding out his hand  
  
"I'm sure." Ryan said holding out his hand as they gave each other a masculine hug  
  
"You know that you have to tell mom and dad right?" Seth said stepping back from Ryan  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
That night Ryan and Seth were to go on a rock-climbing trip with Sandy. Ryan didn't want to go, but with much reassurance from Seth and Marissa, and the promise from Dylan that she would come and spend the night with Marissa Ryan finally went, still a little uneasy.  
  
Marissa sat alone on the bed that night waiting for Dylan who was going to be there in about an hour.  
  
She was trying to get through the first chapter of "what to expect when you're expecting", that Ryan insisted she read while he was gone.  
  
Kirsten knocked on the door, and then let herself in.  
  
"Hey honey." She said entering the room.  
  
"Hi." Marissa said sitting the book behind her.  
  
"What are you reading?"  
  
"Oh just stuff for school ya know." Marissa said quickly "So."  
  
"Have you spoken with your father?"  
  
"I don't know where they took him." Marissa said  
  
"Well I am sure that Sandy will help him."  
  
Marissa just sat saying nothing.  
  
"Honey I know that all of this must be hard for you." She said scooting closer to Marissa  
  
Marissa just picked at her fingernails. How long had it been since she had a manicure?  
  
"Has Ryan been treating you well?"  
  
"Of course." Marissa said quickly  
  
"So let me see that book. I am really good at English."  
  
"No it's fi-"  
  
But before Marissa could finish, Kirsten was holding her book. She looked at what she held in her hands in shock.  
  
"Oh Marissa."  
  
Marissa opened her mouth to say something, . anything, but nothing came out.  
  
"Is it Ryans?"  
  
Marissa broke down in tears and confessed the whole story. It was a weird situation for Marissa. Never before had she been held in a grown womans arms. Her mother had never held her, . comforted her. Marissa felt a wave of emotions roll over her.  
  
"Please. You cannot tell anyone about any of this."  
  
"But Luke is the father of this baby Marissa."  
  
"He raped me. It doesn't matter. He will not be there for me or the baby."  
  
"And Ryan will?"  
  
"You have to trust him. I love him, and he loves me. Please this is just too much to deal with. Nobody can know that he is not the father of this child. It would wreck me."  
  
Kirsten saw the desperation in Marissas eyes.  
  
"I can't promise you anything." She said holding her head in her hands. "But I can promise you that something has to change. Marissa you are 17 pregnant and anorexic! Do you know how dangerous your condition is to your baby?"  
  
Marissa didn't speak.  
  
"Honey I had Seth when I was young. I know how hard it is. But having a baby on top of all of the things that you already have going on? Are you sure that you can do it?"  
  
"I have to." Marissa said  
  
"Well then you have to get better, for the baby."  
  
"I am better. I'm fine. I eat, just not as much as everyone else."  
  
"You know that you are lying to me Marissa. I could turn you into an institution, but it will not be pretty Marissa. I know for a fact, they will not let you keep your baby. So please, lets do this the easy way."  
  
"What is the easy way?" She asked biting her nails  
  
"You stop cutting your arms your legs, EVERYTHING, and you go to school for as long as you can, and you start eating. No more drinking yourself unconscious. Can you do that?"  
  
". I. I will try..."  
  
"Good, now come on."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"You're going to get something to eat."  
  
The next day Sandy, Seth, and Ryan returned from the climb.  
  
They saw Marissa sitting at the table looking nauseous.  
  
"You have to keep it down." Kirsten was saying as coached the girl on  
  
Ryan noticed a turkey sandwich sitting in front of Marissa and about two bites taken out of it.  
  
"I feel sick." Marissa said slamming her head on the table.  
  
Neither of them noticed the guys slip in.  
  
"Marissa, you know that you need to." Kirsten coached the girl on  
  
"I don-"  
  
"What is going on?" Sandy asked from the doorway.  
  
The men looked at the scene in the kitchen in confusion. Marissa took that opportunity to flee the table.  
  
Ryan almost took off after her. Kirsten grabbed his arm.  
  
"She will be okay. Dylan is out there, she will take care of her. I need to talk to you." Kirsten informed the worried teen.  
  
Ryan nodded jaw ajar.  
  
Seth had picked up on what was going on awhile ago and took this as his time to exit.  
  
"Sandy, can you excuse us?"  
  
"What is going on Kirsten?" He demanded  
  
"I will tell you later? Can you give Ryan and I a moment PLEASE?" She said.  
  
Sandy leaned on the counter, but after a second of seeing that she was not going to give in he headed upstairs after Seth to see what information that he could get out of him.  
  
Kirsten sat on the seat across from Ryan with a cup of coffee as they talked.  
  
"I guess you figured out that I know."  
  
"I don't know what you are talking about." Ryan tried to lie  
  
"Ryan do not lie to me. I know about Marissa being pregnant by Luke."  
  
"Please! You cannot tell anyon-"  
  
"Do not worry. I won't. I promise. But Ryan, you said you are taking responsibility of this baby. Do you know how much baggage Marissa has, let alone when you add a baby into the equation."  
  
"I know this already. But I love Marissa in a way that I have never loved anyone else before. I know that this is the right decision." He said all in one breath  
  
"Alright. Then there are some things that we need to talk about."  
  
"Alright." Ryan said leaning back in his chair.  
  
"Don't slouch Ryan."  
  
He sat up straight as Kirsten continued,  
  
"We have to make sure that Marissa takes care of herself now. She has to eat. She has to stop drinking and she has to stop hurting herself."  
  
"I am trying everything that I can to help her."  
  
"Alright. Well I made a doctors appointment for her. Sandy can drop you guys off there Monday after you get out of school. Alright?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
Ryan entered the pool house to see Marissa sitting on the bed.  
  
"What are you doing?" Ryan asked her  
  
Marissa shrugged  
  
"What do you think about going sailing. It is still early."  
  
"I don't really feel like it Ryan."  
  
"Come on Marissa, you have got to get out of here. Fresh air would be good for you." He pleaded with her sitting next to her on the bed.  
  
"I really don't feel like it Ryan."  
  
"Well do you know what?"  
  
"What?" Marissa asked looking him in the eyes frowing  
  
"You don't have a choice." He said pulling her small frame off of the bed as if it were as light as air.  
  
3 hours later Seth, Ryan, Dylan, and Marissa we on the boat. Marissa was less than thrilled.  
  
"So why is the boat named Summer Breeze anyway Cohen?" Dylan asked  
  
"Um- well-"  
  
Ryan laughed  
  
"He likes Summer." He said  
  
Dylan nodded  
  
"I'm kinda partial to Fall." She said not understanding, which caused Ryan to laugh again.  
  
Seth steered the boat, while Dylan watched him with silent, unnoticed admiration, and Marissa looked off into the water looking as though her mind were blank. Ryan sat watching Marissa, prepared to jump in after her in the event that she decided to take a deadly dip in the Pacific. 


	8. Feel it holding you

8: "Feel it holding you"  
  
This chapter turned out rather well considering that I had slight writers block. I have so many different ideas for this story and am just trying to decide which directing to take it in. Laura made my life happy when she Imed me so thank you! Enjoy the chapter.  
  
~ Xoxo Haley xoxo  
  
Everyone entered the Cohen house exhausted from the trip.  
  
They entered the living room to interrupt what seemed to be a heated conversation between Sandy and Kirsten. Sandy gave Ryan a glare before retreating from the room, leaving Kirsten mid-sentence on the couch.  
  
"We'll just go. out. " Seth said as Marissa, Ryan, and Dylan hurriedly followed them out to the pool house.  
  
Late that night Marissa sat up in bed in a cold sweat. She surveyed the room. How long had they been asleep? She figured they had all fallen asleep shortly after they went to the pool house.  
  
The moonlight outside reflected off of the water. The palm trees gently blew in the breeze. In that moment Marissa felt as though she would never see another sight so beautiful as long as she lived.  
  
She slowly slid herself out of Ryans arms, and tip-toed into the bathroom, careful not to wake anyone.  
  
She leaned against the door, as her body weakly slid to the floor. Her hand went to her abdomen. There was a baby in there. Marissa found the whole thing hard to fathom. She felt it for the first time since she found out she was pregnant. She felt like she wanted it. She felt she had to protect it.  
  
"Why do I do this?" Marissa whispered in the night. "All I do is take from people. I cannot make Ryan be responsible for this baby. He has so much going for him." She looked to the sky and pleads to nothing "God just please tell me I am doing the right thing."  
  
She went and grabbed Ryan's trademark black jacket, threw a hoddie on over her pajamas, tossed some clothes into a bag and went over to the desk.  
  
She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and wrote.  
  
*~  
  
Sunlight poured through the window.  
  
Seth woke up and wiped the drool off of the side of his face. He rubbed his eyes as he made his way across the pool house to see Ryans bed empty.  
  
Dylan came out of the bathroom.  
  
"You're finally up Cohen." She said laughing  
  
"Where is Ryan and Marissa?" Seth asked picking sleep out of his eyes  
  
"I don't know. I woke up and neither of them were here. The most likely went inside to eat."  
  
Right then Ryan came into the house, looking tired and distraught.  
  
"What's going on man, were is Marissa?" Seth question worried by Ryan's appearance.  
  
"I can't find her. I thought that she was inside with my mom but she hasn't seen her."  
  
*~  
  
Marissa stepped off of the bus in a land unknown. She dug her tennis shoes into the ground.  
  
She had come up with a plan on the train. She could stay in a hotel for awhile and try to get a job, and eventually have enough money to get a small apartment for she and the baby. Then it seemed like something in her head clicked. She hardly had enough money to stay in a motel for a week. By that time she would not even have a paycheck yet.  
  
The breeze blew coolly across her face. She hugged Ryan's jacket around herself tightly. She pulled the knit cap down further over her ears. She had never remembered it being so cold in October. Maybe because this was her first time on the streets.  
  
She saw a diner across the street that looked mildly inviting. She was beginning to have cravings. She really wanted a blueberry muffin with honey on top, and a cup of hot chocolate. It wasn't until she drew closer to the diner that she saw the "Now Hiring", sign.  
  
*~  
  
"How long has she been gone?" She asked worried about her best friend  
  
"I don't know. I think that she left sometime during the night." Ryan said "When I woke up she wasn't there."  
  
Seth noticed something on Ryans desk.  
  
"Ryan, look, it's a letter... from Marissa."  
  
Ryan rushed over to Seth and unintentionally ripped the letter from his hands and tore it open.  
  
*~  
  
As soon as Marissa entered the diner she found the bathroom to clean up in.  
  
She locked the door and took off her pajama pants, and threw on a pair of her jeans, and a red long sleeved shirt over her tank top, to make herself look mildly presentable.  
  
Marissa realized that she had forgotten a tooth brush, so she just rinsed her mouth out a couple of times in hope that her breath didn't smell that bad.  
  
She exited the bathroom and took a seat in a small back corner of the diner. The last thing that she wanted right now was to be noticed.  
  
*~  
  
Ryan read the letter slowly and carefully.  
  
Ryan,  
  
I don't really know what to say. I never intended on leaving, But the way  
  
Mr.Cohen looked at you when we came it was hard to take. I know it was my fault.  
  
You have so much going for you Ryan, who am I to mess it up? The baby is my  
  
Responsibility, i have to do this on my own. I love you to death. If it were not for  
  
you I would not be here today. ANd Ryan don't worry. I will get better. I am  
  
better, I have to be. So now go on with your life and know I AM OKAY. If you look  
  
for me I promise you will not find me. I know it may seem kind of unfair to do this  
  
to you, but it is the only way. Tell Kirsten thank you for all of the help. It meant  
  
a lot to me. You are really lucky to have a mother like her. She is your mother  
  
now, and she loves you. I would not want to jeopardize that in any way. Tell Seth  
  
and Dyl' I'm sorry. I love you very much Ryan. Never forget that.  
  
Never Forget that. Goodbye  
  
Love Always,  
  
Marissa  
10-13- 03  
  
The letter was signed in blood. *~  
  
"Hi, My name is Jay, can I get you something?" The middle-aged waiter asked Marissa  
  
"Um, just a blueberry muffin and a cup of hot chocolate please." She said.  
  
10 minutes later Jay brought her the food.  
  
"Thank you." Marissa said politely  
  
"So where you coming from?" Jay asked making friendly conversation  
  
"Um, .Newport."  
  
"Newport." He said surprised. He looked her up and down.  
  
"What?" Marissa asked becoming somewhat self-conscious  
  
"Nothing, it is just that you don't seem like the type. So are you just passing through?"  
  
Marissa looked around. The town seemed nice enough.  
  
"I don't really know." Marissa said a little sadly  
  
Jay took this as an invitation to sit down.  
  
"Are you alone?" He asked  
  
Marissa nodded  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked  
  
"Not really." She said stretching her arms in front of herself and leaning back.  
  
"How old are you?" He continued to pry.  
  
"Seventeen."  
  
Jays dark brown eyes met Marissas hazels.  
  
"Let me tell you. A young girl should not be alone around here."  
  
"Where is here exactly?"  
  
"Pylema." He said, Marissa had never heard of it. "So do you have a plan?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Look honey. I hate to see you out on the street. I have an apartment that I share with my friend Liam. If you can pay rent you can stay with us for awhile if you would like."  
  
Marissa stopped and thought for a long while.  
  
"I don't like taking handouts."  
  
"It's not a hand out. Look kid, you really don't have any other choice it seems. We're hiring here, you should take a job also."  
  
"Shouldn't I talk to the manager in order to do that?" Marissa asked tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"You just did." Jay said winking at her. "Go to the back. There you will meet a girl named Jenny who will start training you."  
  
"Now?" Marissa asked surprised  
  
"Why not. You have somewhere else to be." He smiled at her. "Eat up, you look like you need it, and then you can go on back." He lightly tapped her on the head with the menu and then retreated from the table.  
  
*~  
  
"What did it say?" Dylan demanded  
  
"She's gone."  
  
Seth took the letter from Ryans hand.  
  
"She said she is okay." Seth said trying to make him feel better  
  
"Blood Seth! The letter is signed in BLOOD!"  
  
You will get more soon if you ask real nice! LoL.  
0 ~  
U 


	9. You know all I am 2

Chapter 9: "You know all I am" 2  
  
Hey guys! New chapter. The mood here switches around a lot and you really get to see where each character is in their lives which I think is pretty cool. Read, Review, and Enjoy! FYI: I had to add in a bit with Julie Cooper for the sake of speculation on Jays part.  
  
~ Haley xoxo  
  
It had been a week since Marissa left and Dylan and Seth knew that Ryan was never going to be the same. All that he ever did was mope around. He worked at the Crab Shack, but other than that and school did not leave the pool house, besides the occasional video game with Seth.  
  
Nobody talked about Marissa much around him. He was still convinced that she was coming back. Kirsten helped him open a bank account where he was putting away some money so they could get a place when they graduated.  
  
As far as Ryan was concerned Marissa was coming back and nobody was to tell him otherwise.  
  
Dylan and Seth walked along the boardwalk. The two had become closer since the demise of their two best friends.  
  
"Do you think she is going to come back?" Seth asked  
  
"I hope for Ryan, she and the baby's sake that she does. It's just not the same here without her."  
  
"Yeah but do you think that she will come back?"  
  
Dylan and Seth stopped and sat on the beach.  
  
"When Marissa and I were eleven we always used to steal my dads cigarettes." Dylan said with a reminiscent smile. "This one time she had broken her leg, but she was still determined to get them, and get away from my dad in time so he wouldn't notice. She sunk into his office and got them out of the door. She grabbed three, for me, her, and Summer. She heard my dad coming. She had time to put them back and run. But that wasn't the type of person Marissa is,-"  
  
"What type?" Seth cut in  
  
"The type to give up. So Marissa high tailed it out of there on her crutches. She got out of the house. We were all running and ended up tripping over each other." Dylan grinned "We fell down a hill into a ditch. Marissa sprained her wrist, which was the perfect compliment for her already broken leg. Summer broke her arm, me, I cracked a rib cage, and got a bloody nose."  
  
Seth laughed.  
  
"Nice going."  
  
"Oh yeah. So we were all there, eleven years old, in a ditch broken bones and all. Summer and I were absolutely hysterical. But not Marissa. She looked at us and I will always remember her words. ' Look guys. We went through all of that trouble, but hey, we got what we wanted, so stop ruining the fucking moment and give me a light. If we're going to get busted we might as well make the punishment fit the crime.' I remember that cigarette being the best one I ever tasted... even though I had some trouble inhaling with a broken rib."  
  
"Um, great story and all but what does it have to do with Marissa coming back?"  
  
"Don't you see. She is stubborn. She would not go down without a fight then and she will not now. She wanted to leave Seth. She is not changing her mind." Dylan said taking out a cigarette and a lighter  
  
"Point taken. Although that story really didn't prove what you said." Seth said laughing  
  
"You know what Cohen?" Dylan said "You can take it and shove it up your ass." She said laughing as Seth grabbed the cigarette from her. "Hey, what was that for?"  
  
"It's not good for you." Seth said pointedly putting it out  
  
"What's it to you?" Dylan said playfully shoving Seth in the sand.  
  
Ryan watched from as distance as the two wrestled.  
  
"They like each other. It is so obvious. Why don't they just get together while they still have each other." Ryan said to himself, sticking his hands into the deepest part of his pockets, as he left the boardwalk to go back to his house and dream of the life he and Marissa could have had.  
  
*~  
  
Marissa shot up in bed at Jay's house in a cold sweat, which had now become habit for her.  
  
Jay ran into the room.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked  
  
"Yeah, I am fine." Marissa said holding herself still a bit shaken up  
  
"I hear you crying out in your sleep every night. I know that you are not okay."  
  
"No really, I am fine. I just have nightmares."  
  
"What about?"  
  
Marissa was not about to tell him about Luke, or her mother and father.  
  
"I don't really remember." She lied  
  
"You were calling out Ryan. Who is Ryan?"  
  
Marissa felt all of the blood rush from her face. Ryan, why had she called out to Ryan?  
  
"I don't know any Ryan." Marissa said  
  
"That is weird." Jay said to tired to realize the lie "I think that we should talk tomorrow honey."  
  
"Alright." Marissa said.  
  
He patted her on the head, which was now normal, as he left the room.  
  
"I have to pull myself together." Marissa said falling into a restless sleep.  
  
*~  
  
"Ryan, Ryan, wake up!" Kirsten whispered in his ear.  
  
"Huh?" He said sitting up "What's going on?"  
  
"We're going on a hike."  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A hike, come on and get dressed. We have a pair of hiking boots for you in the house."  
  
"You guys can just go on. I kind of felt like sticking around here."  
  
"Come on Ryan you have no choice. We're leaving in an hour." She said ripping the sheets off of him, rolling Ryan to the floor.  
  
"Ugh." He said as his body hit the floor with a thump.  
  
*~ Marissa went about her morning routine at the diner. She made coffee, ordered some cooks around. But there was something different on this day.  
  
As Marissa walked into the kitchen she saw someone. Well the back of their head, but it was still someone. Something about the way the hair was teased was quite familiar.  
  
"Oh my god-" Marissa said rushing to the back room only to hear her name called.  
  
"MARISSA!" Her mother followed her into the back room.  
  
"Mom what are you doing here?"  
  
"I could ask you the same question! Why aren't you back in Newport with your father."  
  
"God are you brain dead! Dad has been in jail for the past 6 months mom!" Marissa yells becoming furious.  
  
"There is no need to talk like that, I am still your mother."  
  
"My mother? You were never my mother, and you know it! The only reason that you ever loved me was because if you hadn't gotten pregnant with me Daddy would have never married you!"  
  
Marissa was met with a sharp slap on the cheek as Jay walked in. He pulled Marissas momo off of her.  
  
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" Jay demanded  
  
Neither of them said anything. Julie flew from the room.  
  
"Marissa honey are you alright?" Jay asked her  
  
"Yeah, just a little shaken up." Marissa confessed  
  
"Who was that woman?"  
  
"A bitch of my past."  
  
"AKA?" Jay questioned  
  
"AKA: My mom." Marissa said picking up a tray. "These people should have had their order 15 minutes ago." Marissa said flatly as she left the kitchen, leaving Jay standing dumb founded.  
  
Later that night at the apartment, Jay sat with Marissa while she was drinking a hot cup of tea.  
  
"I think it is time for you to tell me the truth." Jay said to Marissa  
  
"About what?"  
  
"You tell me."  
  
"There is nothing to say Jay."  
  
"I saw your wrists Marissa. You have fresh cuts there."  
  
"Yeah, . well." Was all that she said.  
  
"What is going on Marissa?"  
  
"You ever feel like you're drowning Jay? And you are in a big, big ocean, and there in nothing to hold onto. There is nothing but water. Nothing but your fears. That is what I feel like all of the time."  
  
"Why did you leave Newport?"  
  
"I didn't like feeling like people had to be responsible for me all of the time. I hate being a burden."  
  
"I bet your family missed you."  
  
"I don't have one. I never have. My dad is in jail and my mom is off somewhere being a gold digger."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that but Marissa you need help."  
  
"You know what I need? Some shut eye." She got off of the couch and went to her room. "Night Jay."  
  
"Night Marissa." She went to her room. "May god help you." He added when she was out of sight.  
  
More soon more soon! 


	10. Teach Me to Believe in Something

Chapter 10: "Can you Teach me to Believe in Something?"  
  
Hey what's up? New chapter. LALALA I hope you like it. I was thinking, what would happen if the some of the characters of the OC were stranded on a island. That sounds fun! I may write a story about that. Long chapter. Read and Review!  
  
~ Haley  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ Four and a half months later  
  
"Mr.Atwood, Mr.Atwood I asked you a question."  
  
Ryans head snapped to attention as he realized that his history teacher was calling his name.  
  
"Um, . Texas?" He answered uneasily.  
  
"I think that you should step out of class for a moment." The teacher suggested  
  
"I am fine really." Ryan stated rather unconvincingly  
  
"There is someone that I want you to talk to."  
  
Within the next five minutes Ryan found himself sitting in the guidance counselors office.  
  
"I have heard from a lot of your teachers that you have been distracted in your classes lately."  
  
Ryan shrugged  
  
"Is there any reason for that?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"So tell me a little about yourself." The counselor asked, looking a little too interested for Ryans comfort.  
  
"There is not much to say."  
  
*~  
  
Marissa looked in the mirror, it was her day off. Liam and Jay still went into the diner. Being the managers they were always there. Marissa cherished the times when she could be alone. Long ago when she was in Newport being alone scared her. She wasn't sure what she would do when she was up to her own devices back then. Now these times were so rare she could not take them for granted if she tried.  
  
Marissa looked down at her abdomen. She was now five months pregnant. Still only she knew. Because of her size you couldn't tell, it just looked like she gained more weight and got healthier. She felt like her pregnancy was a dirty little secret. She made it a point to never think of Luke. Ever. She was afraid such thoughts would provoke her to do something irrational, and she couldn't do that. She had to get better for her baby. Her hands drifted to her belly.  
  
Marissas thoughts often drifted to Ryan, Seth, Dylan, and the rest of the Cohens. Where were they? What were they doing? Had Seth and Dylan hooked up yet? She couldn't stand not knowing. But truly, deep, deep, down in her heart she believed that they were better off without her.  
  
Her stomach fluttered at the thought of Ryan. Or maybe it was the baby kicking. Marissa often wondered if it was a boy or a girl., what it would look like. how she wished Ryan would be there for the birth.  
  
Marissas eyes drifted out to the window. Christmas had come and gone. The melting snow was glistening on the mountaintop. Marissa loved Pylema and all, being in Northern California, but not in the same was as Newport. In the winter she and her dad would always sit out on the beach and watch the waves. It was something that she shared only with him. Those times alone with her father she longed to have again.  
  
The sudden twinge of pain in her wrist brought her back to reality. She lifted her shit sleeve and checked the bandages there. A spot of blood soaked through. She knew if that she scraped a vein it would be no big idea. She had in the past.  
  
And so it went she stood looking out of the window, as she did on these alone days thinking about her life.  
  
*~  
  
Seth joined Ryan at lunch.  
  
"Dude, I heard that they made you go see the Guidance Counselor."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What was up man?"  
  
"It was no big deal." Ryan said shrugging it off and finishing off his milk.  
  
"Well something is obviously up." Seth said  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"Well for one all that you have done since Marissa left is mope around, and the final sign of a problem. you just drank the schools milk dude."  
  
"It's jus-"  
  
Right then Summer came up to them. (FYI: I have developed a soft spot for her since I saw how she reacted when Marissa OD in TJ, so she might become a larger part of this story)  
  
"You guys seen Coop?" Summer asked her  
  
"What's it to you?" Ryan asked  
  
"Look, she hasn't been around for like months."  
  
"And I repeat for Ryan what is it to you?" Seth said  
  
"Look, I know I have been a really big bitch to her this year. But really she is my best friend and I am worried about her."  
  
"Why now?"  
  
"You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you. If you see her just tell her I am sorry. Honestly."  
  
She walked away.  
  
"What do you think that was about?" Ryan said  
  
"Do you think that Satan has had a change of heart?" Seth said in disbelief of what had just happened.  
  
Something was different about Summer, and both of them noticed.  
  
Seth walked back to his Chem. class. It was just his luck that they had a substitute teacher. The students took the opportunity to sit next to whoever they wished. As always Seth was left alone. Until Summer came over that is.  
  
"So what are you going for sainthood now?"  
  
"You know what Cohen, can you just leave me alone, I really don't feel like dealing with this." Summer said somewhat sulking in her seat.  
  
"Alright Summer, I bite, what's going on."  
  
"Why should I tell you? All that you are going to do is criticize me."  
  
"You came over here-"  
  
"Fine." She lowered her voice. "We were at a party this weekend, and I heard Luke talking to some guys. They were trading tips for hooking up with girls, and, . Luke mentioned Marissa, and what. what he did to her."  
  
"What exactly did he say?" Seth asked  
  
"Just something about how he got her when she least expected it twice, and something about how it was a good thing that nobody heard her cry out because he would have gotten into trouble."  
  
"We always told you he was a jerk."  
  
"I just didn't think it would go this far. I mean, I knew that when they were going out it was more of Lukes idea to have sex and all. but. I mean I remember when we were 13 and Marissa came to my house in tears, and told me that she had slept with Luke. I we were thirteen, Luke was 14, so it surprised me a little yanno? But I never put it below Luke to pressure her to do something like that. Later I tried to talk to her about it and she acted like it didn't bother her anymore, and she liked it and was going to do it again so drop it." Summer shuddered at the memory. "I just never thought of it as rape yanno? Then they broke up, and afterwards he forced her into it, and god Seth, I just wish I had been there for her like I wasn't when we were little. And I wish I could have told her how much of a jerk Luke is, and how I want to rip out his balls and-"  
  
"Summer." Seth cut her off warningly  
  
"Rage problems."  
  
"I know." He said with a smile  
  
"When we were little, we were always a little off. but Marissa always seemed to be the most together of the three of us."  
  
"Three?"  
  
"Coop, Dylan, and me."  
  
Just then Seth remembered. They had been friends when they were little. Dylan let him know that loud and clear with the cigarette story.  
  
"Dylan Marlow."  
  
"You remember her? I always wonder what happened to her." Summer said  
  
"I guess you have been really out of the loop."  
  
"What do you mean? Dylan is okay right?"  
  
"Yeah. I see her everyday. She and Marissa started hanging out again like at the beginning of this year."  
  
"I really need to talk to her."  
  
"I'm not sure-"  
  
"Cohen, this is important."  
  
"Alright. Be at my house at six."  
  
To be continued...............  
  
Hehe, more soon! 


	11. Sometimes you choke on the Smell just to...

Chapter 11: "Sometimes I choke on the smell just to breathe"  
  
Hey guys whats up, short chapter, it is basically a time filler to set up for the next two chapters which I promise will be worth the read.  
  
~ Haley  
  
Ryan, Seth, and Dylan sat around the pool house nervously awaiting the arrival of Summer.  
  
"Are you sure that she is coming?" Dylan asked nervously  
  
"It is only 5:45 Dyl." Seth said putting his arm around her  
  
Right then the door-bell rang.  
  
"I'll get it." Ryan said  
  
They were silent as he opened the door.  
  
"Hey Summer, come on in." He said backing away from the door and leading the nervous girl inside.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Summer stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Dylan. It had been six years. The last time they saw each other they were 11.  
  
Flashback:  
  
"You can't leave Dyl!" Marissa insisted  
  
"I have no choice. We don't have enough money to stay. I hate my dad for what he did." Dylan stuttered between tears.  
  
"Don't worry, we are always going to be together. We will all keep in touch always." Summer said trying to hold herself together.  
  
All of the young girls exchanged glances as they broke down into tears, knowing somewhere inside the trio was never going to be the same.  
  
End of Flashback:  
  
The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed. Dylan and Summer rushed into eachothers arms and broke down into tears.  
  
"This is getting to estrogeny for me, let's give them some time alone." Seth said touching Ryans arm as they went upstairs to his room.  
  
The girls sat next to each other on the couch blotting their tears.  
  
"It's been too long." Dylan said  
  
"So how you been?"  
  
"Good actually." Dylan chuckled "All of my sanity is tanks to the fact I left Newport."  
  
"That being the case I wish that we would have all gotten out." Summer mumbled  
  
"Why did you want to see me after all of this time."  
  
"Come on Marlow, we have been together since we were in diapers. We have been through too much to give it all up. We have spent too much time apart and look where it's gotten us."  
  
"I don't know how you ever turned your back on Marissa." Dylan said  
  
"Me either."  
  
"Especially her being pregnant and all." Dylan added  
  
"COOP IS PREGNANT!" Summer said in shock  
  
*~  
  
Jay had noticed a change in Marissa recently. She was more down than usual if that was possible. Liam had noticed it too. They were not sure whatever else to do for her, besides being there for her.  
  
"Hey." Said Marissa walking into the kitchen yawning from her late afternoon nap."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"I thought you and Liam were going to be at the diner longer."  
  
"Liam is going to close up tonight." He said leaning back on the couch, as Marissa went into the 'fridge to grab something to eat. "I am glad that you have been eating more." Jay said to her. "It looks like you have been filling out more."  
  
Suddenly Marissa felt self-conscious, although she knew the sole reason for her slight weight gain was her pregnancy.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you are right."  
  
*~  
  
"I can't believe this. Coop can't have a baby. She is depressed and anorexic and-"  
  
Dylan cut her off  
  
"I know."  
  
"We have to find her. She cannot do this alone."  
  
"Well I have no idea where to start."  
  
"Can't we just check the files in the computer to see if she has checked into any hospitals?"  
  
"And what? Do you think I ma going to pull up the imaginary Hospital data- base in my head?" Dylan said  
  
Summer forgot how much she had missed Dylans sarcasm.  
  
"You should be happy to know that I am a candy-stripper." Summer said in a matter of factly tone.  
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me. Well anyway Marissa isn't due for another four months."  
  
"Well what are we supposed to do in the meantime?"  
  
"We wait." Dylan said sadly "If there is one thing that we know about Marissa is that she is capable of taking care of herself." Dylan said trying to ease Summer  
  
"That was the old Marissa. I have a feeling that we are in for a whole new ball-game." 


	12. I need to question what I need

Chapter 12: "I need to question what I need."  
  
So we are starting to just about get into it. I want reviews for this chapter because I am a brat. Lol, no, I just want to know what you guys think. In the next chaps there is a lot of Ryan and Marissa fluff, just to let you know. Enjoy!  
  
~ Haley  
  
~ Three months later  
  
Summer and Dylan sped down the road in Summers car.  
  
"Do you think that we should have told the boys?" Summer asked  
  
"I don't know." Dylan said as she picked up the pace. "But Marissa asked for only us to come."  
  
~ Six hours Earlier 1:00  
  
Marissa was off of work. She had been feeling very sick. She had woken up tat night with cramps like she had never had before. They could have easily passed for contractions, but it was still a month early.  
  
She rolled over in pain, tears streaming down her face.  
  
*~Newport  
  
Ryan and Seth sat around the pool.  
  
"You alright man?" Seth asked  
  
"Yeah. It's just Marissa is due soon." He said shrugging.  
  
"I am sure that she is fine buddy. Trust me, Marissa is a strong girl."  
  
"I know. There are times that everyone needs someone though."  
  
*~ Pylema 5 hours earlier, 2:00  
  
Marissa dialed Jays number  
  
"Jay, I need you to come home now, something is wrong with my baby."  
  
15 minutes later Jay was there and Marissa was being rushed off to the hospital.  
  
Marissa lay in bed, sedated by whatever the doctors had put into her IV.  
  
"Hi Marissa, I am Doctor Wallace." The man said sitting next to her.  
  
"Is my baby okay?"  
  
"We are not sure. It is a month early."  
  
"So what are you trying to tell me."  
  
"You have obviously been struggling with an eating disorder, which has, . well to say the least complicated your pregnancy."  
  
"Is my baby going to live doctor?"  
  
"We will do all that we can Miss.Cooper."  
  
*~ 4 hours before, 3:00 pm  
  
Marissa sat in her room contemplating what to do, when Dr.Wallace re- entered Marissa was surprised to see him again so soon.  
  
"I just wanted to give you the heads up Marissa that there will be a social worker here soon."  
  
"A social worker? Why?" Marissa said becoming nervous  
  
"There is a good chance that you may deliver tonight.Your condition is not good, and you are a minor. Nobody has legal custody of you, we are not sure that now you are competent to take care of a child."  
  
"WHAT! Listen I do not know who you are but if you think I am going to let anyone take my baby you have another thing coming."  
  
"Listen Miss. Cooper-"  
  
"LEAVE!" Marissa ordered breaking down in tears.  
  
Her mind was consumed with so many thought. Could they really take her baby? She knew what she needed to do.  
  
*~ Summer and Dylan sat on the beach in Newport  
  
"Your phone is ringing." Summer informed her friend  
  
Dylan took her phone out of her pocket.  
  
"It's Coop." Dylan said hurrying to answer the ring. "Marissa, it's me..., Oh my gosh, .. No really it will be okay, .. Don't panic, . Plyema, . don't worry, . Coop you just have to stay calm, alright, . no really. we will be there.., I love you Marissa, . Two hours tops. see you then. Take care Coop, I love you."  
  
"Is she okay?"  
  
"No, we have to go to Pylema."  
  
*~ 3 hours earlier 4:00 pm  
  
"The nurse is going to prepare you for a c-section."  
  
Marissa nodded nervously.  
  
"But it is too early."  
  
"Do not worry. We have doctors here that are trained with handling pre- mature babies."  
  
Marissa nodded again as she crossed her arms over her chest. She touched her slightly swollen stomach. It made her nervous that she could not feel the baby moving.  
  
Marissa tilted her head back and wished that this was happening to somebody else.  
  
The doctors were disturbed when they saw Marissa wrists. The scarred area is where they would generally put the tubing for anesthetics. They had to settle for a small vein n the top of her arm.  
  
Marissa was worried. She had not seen Jay since she had been brought into the hospital.  
  
The doctors scrubbed her up for the operation.  
  
*~ Two hours earlier. 5:00  
  
Summer and Dylan had not spoken yet. They were not exactly sure what to say. Both girls were equally nervous for Marissa as they looked out on the long road ahead of them.  
  
Marissa was taken to the operating room.  
  
"I am just going to make a small incision here." Dr. Wallace explained.  
  
Marissa felt the cold scalpel touch her skin, but no pain. The doctor pulled the knife across deeply, and slowly. Marissa clenched her jaw and shut her eyes to keep from crying.  
  
Suddenly all of the doctors began to rush around the room.  
  
"What is going on?" Marissa asked the nurse  
  
Nobody answered her as she pleaded with them. Marissa heard no cries, and at that moment she passed out.  
  
~DYLAN AND SUMMER RAN INTO THE HOSPITAL~  
  
"Hey we are here for Marissa Cooper."  
  
"Are you family?"  
  
"Yes!" Dylan said quickly  
  
Summer and Dylan arrived at Marissas room to see several police officers and doctors outside of her door.  
  
"What is going on here?" Summer demanded.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...... 


	13. silence that beats through your mind

Chapter 13: "________ Silence beats through your mind"  
  
Hey all. I didn't mean to leave you with such a cliff hanger! Hehe, I forgot some of the song and can't find the lyrics, can you tell? If anyone here knows them the Song is "Teach me to Believe in Something," ( I think that's the name), off of the Goo-goo Dolls "gutter flower". The rest of that lyric would be greatly appreciated lol. I also suggest that you check out that song by the way. Hehe. Um this chapter is very fulffy for my taste (although I wrote it so go figure what's up with that). Ryan and Marissa Reunite! Enjoy! And PLEASE review your opinions matter! I write for u! ( Aw don't u feel special!  
  
~ Halsey  
  
"Who are you?" The officer asked them  
  
"We are looking for Marissa Cooper." Dylan said, as she was the calmer of the two  
  
~ All of them exchanged glances, as Summer and Dylan were led into a room.  
  
"So wait, are you telling me that Marissa is not allowed to keep her baby?" Summer said  
  
"Your friend obviously neglected the childs needs during her pregnancy."  
  
"But Marissa is not like that. She is sick. She needs help!"  
  
"And that is what we intend to give her."  
  
Dylan nor Summer spoke.  
  
"Is her baby going to be okay?" Summer asked in a hushed tone.  
  
Doctor Wallace motioned for them to follow him.  
  
"There they are." Doctor Wallace said  
  
"They?" Dylan said  
  
"She had twin girls."  
  
Dylan and Summer peered through the glass window. There were two small clear incubators by the window, each containing a small child, with several tubes coming out of each of their little bodies, and huge monitors all around them.  
  
"They are so tiny." Dylan said as Summer wrapped her arm around her  
  
"They each weigh 2 lbs 6 oz even."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"How long will they have to stay in the hospital?"  
  
"I think that it will be a month at least, that of course only is if they make a lot of progress fast."  
  
"When can Marissa come home?" Summer asked  
  
"Marissa is going to stay in one of our state treatment facilities."  
  
"Marissa has a home back in Newport beach!" Summer informed him pointedly.  
  
"She has no legal gaurdians." Doctor Wallace pointed out  
  
"But she has a family! We are her family." Summer yelled  
  
"What will happen to the babies when they leave the hospital."  
  
"We will find them a foster family." Doctor Wallace said easily  
  
"But they have a father." Dylan said  
  
"In that case it may change things." He said  
  
"I will go call him." Summer said opening her cell and dialing Ryans number, as Dylan continued to stare into the window at the babies.  
  
"Summer?" Ryan said as he picked up his phone, gesturing for Seth to pause the video game.  
  
"Hey Ryan we need you to get to Pylema as fast as you can." Summer said  
  
"What is going on? Is it about Marissa, is she okay?" Ryan asked panicked.  
  
"She had the babies."  
  
"Babies?"  
  
"Yup, beautiful twin girls." Summer said  
  
"Oh my gosh. Alright I will be right there."  
  
Seth ran out of the room to get his parents.  
  
"Ryan is everything alright?" Kirsten asked concerned  
  
"She had twin girls. I have to get to Pylema." He said jumping up  
  
"We are all going to go." Sandy said  
  
"Alright let's just hurry."  
  
Marissa awoke to see Summer and Dylan at her bedside.  
  
"Hey Coop." Summer said brushing some of Marissas hair out of her face  
  
"Ryan is on his way." Dylan said soothingly  
  
"He can't come here." Marissa said trying to sit up.  
  
"Relax Coop, you have been through a lot." Dylan said  
  
"My baby where is it?" Marissa asked "Did it live?"  
  
"They are okay." Summer said  
  
"They?"  
  
"You had twin girls Marissa." Dylan said a goofy smile plastered on her face.  
  
"Two girls." Marissa said her forehead scrunching up at the realization she was a mother of two "Are they going to take them away from me?"  
  
"We don't know. They want to send you away to a treatment center., But we are all going to be there for you Coop."  
  
"I do not need to go to any treatment center." Marissa said through clenched teeth.  
  
Dylan and Summer exchanged glances.  
  
"Do you know when I can see them?" Marissa asked  
  
"I'll go see." Dylan said making her way out to the hall  
  
Marissa and Summer sat alone in Marissas room  
  
"Look Coop, I am so sorry. I should have been there for you."  
  
"It's alright Summer, you are here now."  
  
The two girls hugged.  
  
~ Dylan saw Ryan and Seth jogging towards her in the hall.  
  
"You guys made record time." She said with a sad smile.  
  
"Where is Marissa?" Ryan said frantically. Dylan gestured through the door and Ryan walked in.  
  
When Summer saw Seth she took it as her cue to leave.  
  
As Ryan and Marissa stared into one anothers eyes no words needed to be said. Ryan went next to the bed and pulled Marissa into a light hug.  
  
Both teens were in tears.  
  
"I am so sorry Ryan." Marissa confessed beginning to sob  
  
"Do not apologize to me. It is okay." Ryan said more tears springing to his eyes.  
  
"I have missed you so much."  
  
"Promise that you will never leave me again."  
  
"I won't." Marissa said hugging Ryan tighter.  
  
They stared into each other's eyes before they kissed each other for the first time in months.  
  
The two were broken apart when the door opened slightly. Doctor Wallace appeared.  
  
"You can see them now."  
  
Marissa and Ryan dressed in scrubs before they were taken to the ICU. They were speechless at the sight of the babies.  
  
"They are so small." Marissa said as Ryan kissed her forehead.  
  
"They are beautiful, . just like their mother."  
  
That caused Marissa to smile between the tears. She touched one incubator with the tips of her fingers.  
  
"I can't believe they're mine."  
  
"Ours." Ryan reminded her.  
  
"Ryan, they are taking them away from me."  
  
He stroked her hair.  
  
"No they are not." He tried to console her. "We are not going to worry about that right now."  
  
Ryan felt for the first time ever that he had a family. And he never intended to let that feeling go away.  
  
Please Review! As stated above your opinion matters! I want to know what u want to happen although a majority of it is written. I don't know, I may end the whole story with a major cliffhanger and we would not want that now would we?  
  
_ _  
~ 0  
u  
u Woah weird pic.....  
  
I have a new idea for a new OC fic, . they all go out for a day trip on "Summer Breeze", and get stranded on an islands, and like a bunch of truths and lies and demons come out of the closet? What say u to that? Review this story and tell me! 


	14. Still you forget what you deny

Chapter 14: "Still you forget what you deny"  
  
Hey hey hey. Read the chapter, enjoy the chapter, review the chapter. Woah dude, that should so be my new slogan. Wow I'm a dork. Let's see, there is the naming.  
  
~Halsey  
  
Ryan waited for Marissa to fall asleep until he joined the Cohens in the waiting room to update them on Marissa and the babies' condition.  
  
"Hey honey." Kirsten said giving her adopted son a hug.  
  
Ryan backed up and looked at the crowd.  
  
"They are twin girls." Ryan said running his hands through his hands.  
  
Seth came up to him and held out his hands.  
  
"I guess congratulations are in order." Seth said giving Ryan a manly hug.  
  
"Yeah." Sandy patted Ryan on the back. (Keep in mind he does not know that Ryan is not the father of the twins)  
  
"How is Marissa doing?" Kirsten asked  
  
"Fine. I mean I guess." Ryan said  
  
"I think I am going to go back and sit with her." Kirsten said excusing herself  
  
There was an awkward silence in the room. Dylan, Seth, and Summer for once said nothing.  
  
~ Marissa woke up the next morning to the sunlight gently caressing her face.  
  
"Hey hon." Kirsten said stroking the young girls hair.  
  
"Ms. Cohen." Marissa said. She was not exactly sure how to react.  
  
"So you ready Marissa?" Kirsten said becoming serious.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Marissa, you are 17 and the mother of two children." Kirsten said  
  
Marissa took a long breather, choking back tears. Drama before she could even come to her senses.  
  
"People, . people say that like I made a choice, . I, . I never, . I mean it's not like I went out and slept with, ." .She couldn't bring herself to say Lukes name. "Am I ready to be a mom? I don't know, but now they're here, now that I have seen them.. I don't think that I can give them up."  
  
"Honey, I am sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh." Kirsten said honestly.  
  
"It's alright."  
  
Kirsten leaned closer to Marissa.  
  
"When you get out of the hospital you are going to go to a clinic in Newport, I am having Sandy look into it."  
  
"A clinic?" Marissa asked "The doctors already told me I was going to go into some state one."  
  
"Sandy is a lawyer, we will work something out."  
  
". So, this clinic, . what's it for?"  
  
"It is for girls like you Marissa, girls who have problems and need to get better." Kirsten said leaning back in her chair  
  
"I don't have problems." Marissa said her eyes welling up with tears  
  
"Marissa, you cannot lie to yourself any longer. Not just for your sake but for those two little girls in there fighting for their lives. For Ryan who loves you more than anyone in the world, and is going to be there for you no matter what. For your father who only wants the best for you. And for Sandy, and Summer, and Seth, and Dylan, and I who only want the best for you. Marissa, you have so many people in your court, . the ball is on your side, so what are you going to do.?"  
  
Marissa paused and thought.  
  
"I want to get better." She said breaking down into tears in Kirstens arms.  
  
~ Seth, Summer, Sandy, and Dylan sat in the cafeteria.  
  
"Do they have names yet?" Dylan asked  
  
"I don't think so." Summer said  
  
"I have always been a fan of Sandy." Sandy said  
  
"What's that short for anyway Mr. Cohen. especially for a guy." Summer asked  
  
"At least I am not named after a season." Mr. Cohen shot back  
  
"It is a good one." Summer said, and Dylan smirked at the ridiculous argument going on.  
  
"Guys come on. What are we, like in the third grade? Summer your seventeen, and dad you're forty something, just chill."  
  
~ Ryan knocked on Marissas door, Kirsten let him in.  
  
"I will leave you two alone." She said letting herself out, but not before rubbing her hand in Ryans hair, in true mom fashion.  
  
"Hey." Ryan said to Marissa.  
  
"Hey yourself. You seen them yet today?" Marissa asked  
  
"Yeah, early this morning. I was outside of the window and the doctor said I could go in, and you were sleeping so-"  
  
Marissa cut him off.  
  
"It's okay. I just don't want them to be alone." She said honestly.  
  
Ryan plopped down next to Marissa on the bed and laid back.  
  
"Watch it bud, you're invading my bubble." She warned him. Ryan rolled his eyes. Marissa sighed. "They are going to need names you know." Marissa said adding a sigh to her sigh.  
  
"Oh yeah." Ryan said because honestly he had forgotten. "Seth made some suggestions."  
  
"Oh yeah, like what?" Marissa asked quite amused.  
  
"I care not to comment because names like Zenon, and such are not up for debate." Ryan said laughing. "Have you thought of anything?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking for a boy Jimmy, you know after my dad and all. But then I got a girl. two girls actually, which makes this task doubly difficult." She laughed.  
  
"I have always liked the name Luca." Ryan said.  
  
Marissa flinched at the name, so similar to Luke.  
  
". I am so sorry." Ryan said realizing his mistake.  
  
"It's cool. We are going to forget about . him." Marissa said trying the best that she could to shrug it off. "I love Piper, always have." Marissa fessed up.  
  
"Piper. I have never heard of that before."  
  
"Well you have now Chino."  
  
"I like it. Piper... Piper..." Ryan repeated  
  
"Wouldn't it be cool to like put a little piece of everyone in there though?"  
  
"What do you mean? Like everyones names?"  
  
"Yeah." Marissa said  
  
"Dude, we are just setting these kids up to get made fun of in school."  
  
They laughed  
  
"Yeah, but at least it will be a tribute to these times."  
  
"Are you sure we want to remember these times?" Ryan asked  
  
"I will never forget these times." Marissas voice trailed off.  
  
"Piper-Dylan." Ryan said. "I mean it's got a nice ring to it if you repeat it enough."  
  
Marissa smiled.  
  
"What about the other one?" Marissa asked. "I did the whole Piper deal, you choose."  
  
"Madison." Ryan said quickly and confidently  
  
Madison, Marissa was surprised that such a name would come out of Ryans mouth. It seemed so . un-Ryan-like.  
  
"Madison was the name of one of my dog when I was little." Marissa commented  
  
"You had a dog?"  
  
"Yeah, got hit by a car but it was pretty, and I loved it for the two months we had it." Marissa grinned. "I like it. Madison - Seth." Marissa decided.  
  
"But what about Summer?" Ryan asked, not wanting her to feel left out.  
  
"Piper-Dylan Summer." Marissa said her, voice a little uneasy.  
  
Ryan raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well we are going for meaning here, not . decency. Like, Piper-Dylan. as like one name. and Summer as a middle name."  
  
"Well heres the deal. If we're gonna butcher one kids name we're gonna have to do it to the other." Marissa said. "Madison-Seth Kirsten, . sounds.." hesitates, "Nice.."  
  
The two laugh.  
  
"Be prepared to be punished for this from the time they can talk 'till you reach your death bed." Ryan warned.  
  
"Hey Ryan." Marissa asked becoming serious. "What is their last name going to be?"  
  
"I always figured Atwood right, because, . I mean in theory, they are mine right."  
  
"Yes." Marissa agreed, "In theory." She reminded herself.  
  
"On the birth certificates I will be, as soon as we decide the names anyway." Ryan stated.  
  
"Piper-Dylan Summer Atwood. Piper-Dylan is her first name?" Marissa said for clarification. Ryan nodded.  
  
"Madison-Seth Kirsten Atwood?" Ryan asked for clarification. Marissa nodded.  
  
"Piper and Madison." Marissa asked, Ryan nodded.  
  
"Madison-Seth, and Piper-Dylan?" Ryan asked.  
  
"Yeah." Marissa said.  
  
"Madis-"  
  
Marissa cut him off.  
  
"Um Ryan. How long are we going to keep doing this?"  
  
They laughed.  
  
"Hey Marissa, I got a question that's going to be really good right now. Which one is going to be which?"  
  
Ryan and Marissa looked at each other with equally quizzical faces.  
  
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! So I get the names are very. special, but I like them, I mean it sets u up for a lot of fun in the future. I know it's not everybody taste but what is. Besides it means something. I have found that if you repeat it a lot it sounds cool, (ex. Madison , pause, Seth, pause, Kirsten, pause, Atwood) So if it takes you saying the names over and over in you sleep to keep reading this story I suggest you do so, because you have not read this far to turn back now. I am hyper. can you tell?  
  
~ Haley  
  
*~ Dude, I need some serious medication modification over this way! *~  
  
j.k 


	15. Now your caught in the ruse of thw world...

Chapter 15: "And now your caught in the ruse of the world" 2  
  
Ryan and Marissa sat all day, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying each other silent company. Despite their calm collected appearance, there was a cloud looming over both their heads. Marissa was going to go into a recovery center, but it was still up in the air how long.  
  
Ryan and Marissa were chatting when Seth, Summer, and Dylan came in.  
  
"Hey hon." Dylan said stepping in the room.  
  
"Hey guys." Marissa said in a cheery voice, "Come on in." She said waving her hand.  
  
Summer and Dylan squeezed onto the bed with Marissa and Seth leaned up against the wall that Ryan was sitting in. Summer and Dylan immediately noticed the bandages going up Marissas wrists.  
  
"What happened there?" Summer asked, earning a shove in the rib from Dylan.  
  
"Oh, nothing." Marissa said  
  
Truth be told, Marissa had a couple scars in her arms that kept on opening back up, and so when she went to the hospital, and the doctors found them they made her get stitches.  
  
"So do they have names yet?" Dylan asked  
  
Ryan and Marissa grinned at one another. At that moment Kirsten and Sandy walked in.  
  
"Good timing, they were about to tell us their names." Summer said anxiously.  
  
"What are their names." Kirsten said  
  
"I already know." Seth teased.  
  
"How do you know?" Sandy said  
  
"We needed him to run an errand for us." Marissa said  
  
"Alright, don't keep us in suspense any longer." Kirsten said.  
  
"You have to understand that you are all really important to us." Ryan began  
  
"Yeah and so we gave them a little bit of you." Marissa continued. "There is Piper-Dylan Summer Atwood."  
  
Dylan and Summer grinned uncontrollably at the mention of their names.  
  
"And the other, named by me might I add, is Madison-Seth Kirsten Atwood."  
  
A tear came to Kirstens eye at the mention of her name. Seth smiled because her was still basking in the glory of knowing the girls names before everyone else.  
  
"And wait a minute Mr. Cohen." Marissa said grinning.  
  
"Oh god, tell me it wasn't really triplets." Sandy muttered.  
  
"I would like to introduce to you." Seth pulled a bag out from behind his back containing a fish. "Sandy Atwood!"  
  
Everyone laughed. Ryan nudged Seth.  
  
"Um Seth man."  
  
"Yeah?" Seth said  
  
"Um, . the fish, . it's kinda not moving. it's dead."  
  
Sandy rolled his eyes.  
  
"It figures." He said, "Guys just some advice now, don't let Seth baby- sit."  
  
Later that day Marissa, Sandy, Ryan, and Kirsten met with Abby, the social worker.  
  
"Marissa, you can be released from the hospital tomorrow, but the girls as you know will have to be here a little bit longer." Abby explained.  
  
Marissa nodded  
  
"Alright." Abby folded her hands and leaned back in her chair. "It has been set up that from here tomorrow you will be transferred to a hospital in Newport."  
  
"Wait, but Piper and Madison are still going to be here." Sandy said  
  
Abby nodded  
  
"Is there any way we can get them transferred?" Kirsten asked  
  
"Not in the condition that they are in now." Abby explained further.  
  
Marissa and Ryan looked at each other.  
  
"What do you think Marissa?" Ryan asked her.  
  
At this point Marissa knew that she had to go to the treatment center, and it would only cause a fuss for the Cohens if she refused.  
  
"I will go to the hospital in Newport. But I mean, when, when the girls are strong enough to be transferred can they be moved there?" She asked  
  
"I am sure that is possible." Abby confirmed  
  
Marissa nodded.  
  
Ryan and Marissa went back to the room in silence.  
  
"Ryan." Marissa began.  
  
"Yeah." He said rubbing her shoulders  
  
"Do you mind staying here with the girls? I mean only if you-"  
  
"Really, it is okay. I will stay with them." Ryan said.  
  
"Will you call me and let me know how they are doing?" Marissa said beginning to cry  
  
"Everyday." Ryan said softly kissing her forehead.  
  
Marissa collapsed into his chest in tears.  
  
"Sush. it will be okay." He said continuously kissing the top of her head 


	16. It's just a promise noone ever keeps

Chapter 16: "It's just a promise on-one ever keeps"

Hey I apologize for the delay on this chapter. I got a new computer for Christmas, and as always chaos ensued with the other one, and my stories got kinda screwed up. Well review I really want to know what you think. And I want to wish you guys a happy holiday, even though it is kind of late! 

~ Haley

The next morning Marissa was due to leave, Kirsten and Dylan were going to go with her. She was allowed some time with the girls before Kirsten would take her back to Newport to check into a clinic.

Marissa knelt down next to the two clear incubators. The children inside were so small they could each fit in the palm of her hand.

"Hey Piper, … Maddie…" She said wiping her tears. "You guys are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined."

She watched the girls small chests slowly rise and fall.

"I'm going to have to go for a little while… But I will get better real soon so we can be together." Marissa promised them. "I will miss you guys…" She kissed each incubator.

For the first time it did not matter that the girls were Lukes, or that she had no idea where her father was, or that she was depressed out of her mind. In that moment all that mattered to Marissa was her babies, it was hard for her to think of herself of a mother, but she felt a love for Piper and Madison that she had never felt for anyone before.

The doctor motioned through the window that it was time to go.

"Bye loves." Marissa said stepping out of the room.

She slowly made her way down the hall. She was wearing a pair of her jeans, a fitted blue shirt, but most importantly Ryans trade-mark black jacket.

"Hey." Ryan said when Marissa approached the desk where Kirsten was signing her out.

Ryan held her close in his arms and kissed her.

"It will be okay. I promise." Ryan assured her

Marissa nodded.

"I love you." Ryan said as Kirsten led the silent Marissa out of the hospital.

Seth came up behind Ryan and put his hand on his shoulder.

"It will be okay man." Seth said.

Dylan stood against the far window with her arms wrapped protectively around her.

"I hope so." Ryan said turning away.

"Where are you going man?" Seth asked

"I promised Marissa I would stay with Piper and Maddie." He said leaving 

Three hours later Marissa was sitting in her room at the clinic. Kirsten was putting her clothes away in the drawers for her.

"So you're settled." Kirsten said wiping her hands on her pants. "Is there anything you need?"

Marissa shook her head no.

Kirsten sat on the bed next to her.

"Look honey. It is not always going to be this hard. It will get better. And you and Ryan will give the girls a wonderful life together."

"I hope." Marissa said

"Have you tried to speak with your mother honey?" Kirsten asked her

Marissa shook her head no.

"I just want you to know that I think of you as a daughter, the one I never had in fact. I want you to get better just as much as everyone else does."

Marissa then broke down into tears. Kirsten held her close as she sobbed. Marissa later fell asleep with Kirsten lovingly stroking her hair.

Later that day: Newport

Kirsten and Dylan sat in silence, there was nothing to say…

"So… are Ryan and Coop going to have the pool house?" Dylan asked breaking the silence.

"I guess, … I mean, it is hardly big enough but they have nowhere else to go so… Actually on that note the girls have nothing. We were all too worried about Marissa to think about buying them anything!" Kirsten realized.

"Yeah, … truthfully, I didn't think that Marissa or the babies would survive…" Dylan paused, "but I am happy they did and all but, I am just worried about what kind of pressure this is going to put on Marissa."

"Yeah." Kirsten agreed

"And there is one factor that we forgot to take into consideration." Dylan stated

"Oh yeah? What is that?"

"Luke…"

The two became uncomfortable. What would Luke do if he found out that the twins were his? Would he try to take them from Marissa too? No. Nobody would let him, … even if he did realize he might not come forward because of the circumstances under which Marissa conceived the Piper and Madison, … right?

"I know one thing that will make us feel better." Dylan said pulling Kirsten out of the house. 

"What is that?" Kirsten asked

"Baby shopping!" Dylan said

Kirsten and Dylan were at the mall within fifteen minutes. Kirsten was running around the store grabbing everything off of the shelves.

"Wow, excited much?" Dylan said

"Well I have always wanted a little girl to dress and now there are two!"

"When Seth was a baby I wanted him to be a girl so badly that when he was born I was convinced that the doctors gave me the wrong baby." Kirsten said.

"Well Seth is a good kid." Dylan said blushing

"You guys are cute together." Kirsten said

"Oh, Seth and I aren't like that. We are just really good friends."

Kirsten looked at Dylan and raised her eyebrow and smirked.

*Pylema

Ryan sat next to Piper and Madisons incubators. For the first time the doctor allowed Ryan to wear gloves and touch the babies.

"Hey guys." Ryan said. He smiled as he gently stroked Pipers sandy brown hair. "I know you have heard that you are beautiful a lot since you were born… even if it was two days ago…" Ryan smiled. 

He leaned back.

"You are going to see your mommy again… she loves you, she is just going somewhere to get better so she can take care of you guys the best that she can."

Right then Seth and Summer came in.

"You mind?" Seth asked

"Nah, come on in." Ryan said to his friends

Seth and Summer walked in cautiously. Seth knelt next to an incubator.

"Hey, I am your Uncle Seth." He began "I am going to teach you all how to skate, yes I am." He cooed at the babies. "This is Auntie Summer, she will… well she will attempt to corrupt you but so long as I am here that will not happen."

"Shove it Cohen." Summer said.

Sandy knocked on the window, motioning for Ryan and Seth to come out.

"Stay with them Summer." Ryan said standing up

"But I am not good with-" The door shut "babies…"

Summer sat in the rocking chair adjacent to the incubators.

"Hi." Summer dumbly waved. "I am Summer…" She paused. "What am I doing, they can't hear can they…? Oh well, they will never remember this."

She scooted closer to the incubators.

"Your mommy is one of my best friends in the entire world… She has been through a lot… but she tries so hard. Whenever you need her sure enough Coop is there… But I guess you will call her mom not Coop huh? Wow, Coop is a mom, it's weird. Well anyway what I was saying, she is always there, ready to help… Never EVER take that for granted, … I did once, and it was the loneliest time in my life… just know that. You guys have so many people who love you… Me, your mom and dad, Sandy and Kirsten, Seth, Dylan and I. You are never going to be alone. Seth will give you the friend he never had growing up, Dylan I will give you the big sisters that we never had, Kirsten and Sandy will treat you like the little girls that they never had, and Ryan will be the father that he never had… and Marissa the mother that she never had…"  


Summer leaned back into her chair wondering how she was so deep.

"So that's my bit." She stood up. "Oh yeah." 

"Whichever one of you is Piper-" she added looking at the incubators to see the names, "… well I don't know which one you are but make our name proud."

Summer nodded her head satisfied and knew that everything was going to be good. She leaned out of the door.

"Cohen, Atwood, where you at? I don't do well with small children for long periods of time. I have flashbacks of my childhood!"


	17. And now the changing while we sleep

Chapter 17: "And now it's changing while you sleep"  


Expect more frequent updates now I have my new computer!

Marissa sat in the chair blankly as she had been for 10 minutes. She was waiting for the doctor to see her. All that she had seen recently was sterile white walls and it was beginning to drive her crazy.

The sound of the door opening and closing brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hi, you must be Marissa, you can call me Penny." She said smiling

"Alright it could have been worse, we could have named Piper or Madison, Penny." She thought to herself.

Marissa did not respond to "Penny"

"So, I heard that you were just released from Pylema General Hospital." She said looking at her clipboard

Marissa shrugged

"So were you born here in Newport?" 

Marissa still did not say anything.

"Look honey, I know that this is hard. I was in your position at one time, but if you want to get out and be back with your family we are really going to need to talk. Alright?"

Marissa nodded but Penny raised her eyebrows at her.

"Yes…" Marissa corrected herself.

"How was your childhood?"

"Um, it was normal… I mean I really don't have anything to compare it to."

"Did you and your parents get along?"

"My dad and I were always close, my mom and I not so much."

"And why is that?"

"I was never able to live up to her standards I guess… My dad took me as is and that was it." She said simply

Penny nodded

"And how is the relationship with your mother now?"

"We don't talk…"

"And your father?"

"He is in jail for insurance fraud… I haven't seen him in seven months…" Marissa tried to shake the thoughts of her father rotting away in a jail cell out of her head.

"How did it make you feel when he was arrested?"

"Alone…"

"How did you handle those feelings?"

Marissa paused and thought for a second.

"I guess I didn't…"

Penny nodded

"So at this point who do you consider family?"

Penny said meeting her eyes

"The Cohens I guess. I lived next door to them my entire life until my dad went bankrupt. They have a son my age, and adopted another who is 17 also, Ryan, he is my boyfriend." She added.

"How long have you been together?"

"I guess you could say off and on since he moved to Newport."

"And so he is the father of your child?" Penny asked

Marissa paused.

"Um, yeah." 

She knew what would happen if she told Penny about Luke.

"I actually have twins…" Marissa added as an after thought.

"It says here that you were referred to me by a Dr. Wallace after your twins were born two months premature." Penny said. "The records show that you have quite extensive wounds on your thighs and wrists, and are suffering from an eating disorder, which greatly contributed to your problems during your pregnancy. Is that so?"

"I am not sure that I quite understand what you are asking me."

"Marissa, do you believe that you have an eating disorder?"

"No. I have always been very thin, and had hardly any appetite."

"Did your mother put a lot of pressure on you to look a certain way?"

"… I mean… I guess …"

"And you do admit to injuring yourself."

"I… well, I never injured myself. I would do things to myself that people would consider "hurting", to yourself. But I was not hurting anyone, if anything I was making myself feel better."

"Do you drink?"

"Yes."

"When was the first time that you had anything to drink?"

"… I was nine… My dad had some beer in the fridge, I took one…"

"Have you drank to the point of passing out?"

"Yes."

"When did you do that for the first time?"

"I was 12 I think…" Marissa admitted

"Did it happen frequently?"

"I mean, they were summer parties, everyone was drinking."

"To the point of passing out?"

"Some…"

"Do you drink when you are alone?"

"Sometimes…"

"And you have passed out from that, when you were alone?"

Marissa shrugged, Penny took that as a yes.

"I think that that is all for this session. It was a pleasure meeting you Marissa." She smiled

Marissa excused herself from the room. 


	18. And noone here can see

Chapter 18: "And no-one here can see"

__

"Hey Marissa,February 23, 2004 

How have you been? I'm that they will not let us see you, but we have to trust the doctors as much as it sucks, because they know what they are doing. Piper and Madison are doing well. The doctor said that Madison is close to breathing on her own. Their lungs are developing well, so they are out of the woods. Everyone misses you. Seth sits by the girls while I am asleep and reads them comic books. Summer reads them Vogue… which I am strongly opposed to but can do nothing to stop, and Dylan sings to him. Who knew she could sing? I cannot wait until you can come home and we can be a real family.

Love Always,

Ryan, Maddie, and Piper "

"Ryan,February 24, 2003

You have no idea how good it was to hear from you. The girls look beautiful in the picture that you sent me. I put it up in my room. I wish so much that I could be with you and the girls now. I hate it here. You never have privacy. I pretty much keep to myself, although I did meet a girl Harrison that is in my hall. She is pretty cool. I promised to let her meet you when we get out of here. Harry has been here for four months already, she makes me look sane but it's all good. I miss you all so much. Now I regret the time that I spent away. Tell the girls, Dylan and Summer that I love them, and to Summer, stop reading them Vogue. Oh yeah, tell the Cohens thank you for everything.

Yours always,

Xoxo Marissa "

"Marissa, March 2, 2003

Hey. You sound like you are doing well. They took Madison off of the breathing tubes, although we had one scare, she is doing pretty well. I got to hold her for the first time yesterday. She is so small Marissa. I was holding her, and Seth walked in and thought something had happened to her because she wasn't in the incubator, he didn't notice her in my arms! I tell them about their mommy and how much she loves them everyday, and they will be with you soon. Both of them have your amazing blue eyes, and your smile, it's kind of crooked and all… Wait! I didn't mean to say that you have a crooked smile, … I mean you do but it Is a good thing! It's cute. Now I just have to figure out how I am going to keep the boys away from them. Enclosed is a picture of me holding Madison for the first time, I hope to be sending you one like it with Piper soon.

Love,

Ryan "

"Marissa, March 20, 2003

Hey what has been going on. I am a little worried that I have not heard from you. Madison is doing well. She may be able to come home soon. Piper is making progress but the doctors say she may still be on the breathing machine for awhile. But I know she will be fine, she is strong, just like her mother. Please write back soon.

Love Always,

Ryan "

"Marissa,April 1, 2003

Alright now I am really worried, I haven't heard from you in two weeks! Piper is off of her tubes…"

Suddenly Ryan heard footsteps behind him… he dropped his pen

"You don't have to write me anymore."

Ryan turned around to see Marissa smiling at him. The two in tears hugged each other, Ryan knew he could never let go.

And so it went that they reunited…. Again


	19. You know all I am

Chapter 19: "You know all I am"

Hey guys, this story is wrapping up within the next 3 or four chapters, and so since you all have been such loyal readers, and believe it or not this si the first story I have ever written and posted, I am taking requests for the last couple chapters. And a Sequel may be in the works if I have the muse when I am done with this. Thanks!

~ Haley

Ryan backed up and looked at Marissa. She looked so much better, she looked a lot healthier, still thin, and a little bit frail, but still not to the extent that she was before.

"Ryan Atwood, … crying?" She mocked him

Ryan wiped his tears and smiled.

"I was worried, how come you didn't write?"

"I was having some problems, … and well, … I was kind of in solitary confinement." She said looking away blushing.

"Well it's like you to be so damn stubborn." Ryan said ending the awkward silence.

Marissa smiled at him.

"Can I see them?" Marissa asked nervously

It had been a month and a half since she saw her twins.

"Of course."

Ryan led Marissa to a room. The girls for the first time were not in plastic cases, but free to breathe, breathe on their own. 

Marissa didn't go near them. Ryan picked them up, one in each arm.

"Come on Marissa." Ryan urged her. He noticed the look on Marissas face. "What's wrong?"

"What… what if I drop them, … they are so small and-"

Ryan gently placed the girls in Marissas arms.

Marissa smiled down at the little girls, both wide-awake. The same blue eyes stared back at them in fascination.

"Which one i-"

"That is Madison, and this is Piper." Ryan said

Marissa looked down at the girls. The both had light freckles on their nose as she did. The one difference was that Madison had a birthmark next to her eye. She was thankful that Luke had not showed up in either of them, at least from what she could see so far.

~ The next morning Ryan and Marissa sat on the big bed, dressing the girls, enjoying each others company.

"What should they wear?" Marissa asked Ryan.

Ryan held up a little yellow overalls, with a duck shirt under it.

"This, yellow is definitely Pipers color." Ryan said

"Woah, you have spent too much time with Summer." Madison was dressed by Marissa, in pink flowered leggings, and a matching pink shirt. 

Summer knocked on the outside of the door, and then pulled it open.

"Hey guys, it's just about time for us to get out of here." She said.

"I missed you." Marissa said to her friend, who was standing timidly across the room.

"You too Coop. Almost time to go home." Summer said as she entered. "Ryan, Seth wants your help out at the car. They want to know how to put in the car seats." Summer said.

"I am there." He said kissing Marissas forehead and heading out to help them.

Summer sat down on the bed with Marissa and the twins.

"You ready to go back to Newport?"

"Yeah." Marissa said. "Things will be different this time." She said looking down at Piper

"How so?"

"They have to be. I can't screw up Piper and Madison like my mom did me."

"Well that's not possible anyways."

"Well how do you know that?" Marissa asked her friend doing the trademark eyebrow raise.

"You love them too much." Summer said seriously meeting her friends eyes

There was a silence. 

"I have really missed you Summer."

"I'm not going anywhere ever again." Summer said hugging Marissa.

"Here, take one." Marissa said gesturing for Marissa to take one of the twins.

Summer gingerly took Piper from Marissa and sat next to her on the bed.

"They are beautiful." She commented.

Right then Sandy walked in.

"Time to go ladies." He said


	20. Feel this moment in you

Hey sorry for the delay. I tried to post this sooner but my account was frozen because of the message that I posted about my story being stolen, and then I lost the uploaded chapter... It would be appreciated if anyone would tell me if this chapter is posted else where. But look on the bright side, because I had to re-write this chapter, and seriously got a muse it turned out pretty well! R&R

Xoxo HaLeY

Chapter 20: "Feel this moment in you."

The drive back to Newport was a silent one, on account of everyone worrying of what was to come, and the fact it was getting late. 

Marissa looked down at Madison who was in her car seat next to her. She could never let Luke find out about them . EVER. They were her daughters, she and Ryans. Nobody was going to take them away from either of them. Ryan is legally their father even if their DNA doesn't match.

Ryan stared blankly into space, with Pipers finger wrapped gently around his own. He was worried about he and Marissa. but he knew that they had both gone through too much to not make it work, or try at least. And regardless of what happens with he and Marissa Ryan knew that he would always be there for his daughters. he would give them the father that they had always drempt of. When Pipers light brown eyes looked up at him, and she smiled showing her mothers dimples, he knew that it would be okay.

It was eight when they arrived home. There was a short reunion for the group in the living room when they entered the house, and then Ryan and Marissa went back to the pool house to relax from the long trip.

Ryan sat Piper and Madisons carriers on the bed and then stepped back and looked at them.

"They're both asleep." Marissa commented.

Together they unloaded each childs belongings and then laid each in their respective cribs.

"What now?" Ryan asked

"Sleep." Marissa said leading him to bed.

Marissa awoke hours later that night from not feeling the warmth of Ryans arms around her. She sat up slowly in bed becoming alarmed. then she saw it. Ryan was in the doorway across from the bed, gently swaying from side to side. He wore only his red plaid pajama pants that Marissa got him for Christmas the year before, now it being Summer are terribly out of season. She was wearing his trademark wife beater. Based on the pink pajamas Marissa saw peeking out, she knew that he was holdig Piper in his arms. Her small head rested gently in the crook of his arm. Ryan muscles flexed as he held her, hiding her protectively behind them, . Piper being smaller than his muscle.

The moonlight glowed and reflected off the pool onto the two. Marissa knew that she would never forget this moment.

She slowly made her way over to him.

"Hey." She said yawning

"Hey." He said smiling at Marissa and then back down at the now sleeping Piper. "I figured I'd better not wake you." He said.

Marissa nodded.

Ryan gestured for Marissa to hold her daughter. It was times like these that she was worried that she was going to ruin the "moment". But that never happened with she and Ryan. Or if it did it was not awkward. at least any more.

Marissa took Piper from him and then laid her down on her crib. As she looked down at the girls she felt strong gentle arms wrap around her waist, and began to kiss her neck.

Marissa pulled Ryan over to the bed, and the laid herself on top of him.

"Are you sure?" He asked

He had never really put any pressure on Marissa. Ecpecially knowing her past with Luke.

"Yeah." She said looking into his eyes.

"Really bec-"

"Ryan." She said putting her finger on his lips. "it's okay."

With that Ryan helped her out of her . his wife beater. Suddenly they were broken apart by a quiet high pitched cry.

"It's Piper again." Ryan said

"How do you know?" Marissa asked

"It's her cry. Madison's is lower."

Marissa nodded. She suddenly became self conscious and tossed her shirt back on, as Ryan went to again tend to Piper.

He returned minutes later to the bed with her.

"I think she's hungry." He said offering Marissa the baby.

Marissa took the child from his arms and lifted up her shirt a bit exposing her breast. ironically where Ryan had just been.

Piper took Marissa happily.

"I could have sworn that kid shot me an evil glare." Ryan said

Marissa laughed.

"Do you need help?" Ryan asked her

"Yeah actually, do you mind propping up the pillows behind me?" Marissa leaned forward, and then back after Ryan helped her get situated.

Then Madison let out her lower pitched wail.

"I'll handle that." Ryan said, picking up his daughter, and grabbing a bottle from the mini fridge. which was once a mini bar, but now filled with baby bottles. Seeing how Marissa was currently preoccupied. although unfortunately not by him. Ryan opted for the Winnie the Pooh bottle for Madison.

"Lets see here." He said placing the nipple in her mouth, and then returning to bed.

Marissa was now sound asleep with Piper nestled in the crook of her arm asleep as well and Ryan had Madison slowly dozing on his chest.

"Ryan?" Marissa said in her sleepy state

"Yeah."

"'S gonna be awhile before we can finish what we started huh?"

Ryan didn't answer.

"But it's worth it huh?" Marissa continued.

"Completely." Ryan said stroking Madisons head, and then himself drifting off to sleep.

~ HEY~

There is one more chapter left of this story but a sequel is VERY likely. I need to know the ages you want Piper and Madison to be, and any other requests, . Seth and Summer. Seth and Dylan. More Jimmy/Kirsten/Sandy? Ryan and Marissa go to college? If so where? A funny line that you would like either of the kids to say? Something that you would like to be commented on?

NEXT CHAPTER:

- Where is Luke

- Will they finally get it on

- More Seth goodness

- Dyl, Summer, Marissa bonding time.


	21. You know all I am, Can you teach me to B...

****

READ THIS BEFORE THE STORY!!!!!

Oh my gosh. This is the last chapter… it is almost surreal. This was my first story I ever posted here and really worked with. I owe you all a great deal of thanks, without the reviews I got there is no way I would have had the motivation to continue this story. This chapter could have been broken down into two because of length… but there is no way to split up the events. I hope that you all will review. I REALLY REALLY want to know what you think. Your response to the end of this will also depend on whether or not there will be a sequel… I wrote this entire chapter in one night. I really hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the support.

Xoxo HaLeY

Chapter 21/22: "You know all I am, can you teach me to Believe in something?"

Marissa woke up with the familiar feeling of Ryans arms wrapped around her. She sank back into the protection of his strong chest, as he kissed her forehead.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." Marissa said turning to face him.

Suddenly Seth came into the pool house, followed by Summer and Dylan. Summer and Seth each hada tray, and Dylan held two bottles.

"Good morning beautifuls!" Seth said putting on a smile.

"Whats all this?" Marissa asked sitting up in bed, with one of Ryans arms still around her waist.

"Breakfast in bed." Summer said.

"It's really nice you guys." Ryan said sitting up next to Marissa

"Yeah it is, so enjoy it this once." Dylan said picking up Madison and handing her to Seth, and then picking up Piper. "We'll give you guys time alone, and feed the girls in the house." Dylan said as the trio headed out.

"Aw, this is so sweet." Marissa said looking down at her plate. "Do you think it's safe?"

"As long as Kirsten was far from the kitchen it should be."

Marissa smiled and kissed him and then they both dug into the food. The two quickly finished.

"So what are you going to do today?" Ryan asked

"I actually have somewhere I need to go."

Ryan looked at her and raised his eyebrow.

"I'll be fine, I won't be long."

"Will I ever get to find out to where this excursion is?"

"Maybe." Marissa said flirtatiously 

Ryan kissed her cheek softly.

"Come on, let's go get the girls." He said grabbing her hand and leading her off the bed.

Later thay day, after Marissa left to… where ever she was going, Ryan and Seth took the girls out on the board walk.

~ Marissa pulled the car to a stop outside of the Newport Correctional Facility.

She sat in her car for a second as she stared at the large brick building… the building that has housed her father for the past year.

She took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, smoothing out the wrinkles in her light green top, and pulling her purse over her shoulder. She approached the guard at the gate.

"Yes." He said

"Hi…" She stuttered "I am here to visit my dad." She said

"Is he an inmate?"

"No, he's a guard." Marissa thought sarcastically. She had really been spending too much time around Seth.

"Yeah."

"Follow me mam." He told her.

Marissa got a lot of stares as she walked in the the jail, from inmates that looked at her like fresh meat.

"You can wait here." The guard said, sitting her alone in a room.

Marissa looked at the guard standing in the corner. The awkwardness of the situation was overridden by her anxiousness in reuniting with her father.

The guard led Jimmy Cooper into the room. Jimmy was so confused, not expecting any visitors.

"Daddy!" Marissa said running to him, and throwing herself in his arms. They held each other for what seemed like forever.

"It's okay." Jimmy said running his fingers over her cheeks, and wiping her tears away.

"I have missed you so much…" She said "How have you been?" Marissa asked looking around.

"Alright. I am up for parole in a couple of months." He said

"That's great." Marissa said smiling. "I can't wait."

"So how have you been?" He asked

Marissa hesitated. Was now really the time to tell her father all that she went through… running away, … the hospital, Piper and Madison?

"I've been alright…" She said. "Actually, I kind of have something big to tell you."

Jimmy looked his daughter in the eye.

"Um, I got pregnant awhile back." She said nervously.

"I am a grandfather?" Jimmy said in fascination 

"Yes. I have twin girls."

"Twins!" Jimmy said letting it sink in… 

"Yeah… Piper and Madison." She said smiling thinking of the girls and handing her father a picture of Ryan asleep with the two girls asleep on his chest.

"Ryan is their father."

Marissa nodded.

"You seem to be really happy honey."

"I love you Dad." Marissa said, beginning to cry again

"I love you too pumpkin." He said kissing her forehead.

"I can't believe it took me so long to visit."

"It's okay, you're here now…"

"I've missed you so much…"

"You too honey." He said grabbing her and pulling her closer

~ Seth and Ryan walk around the boardwalk with the twins. Seth was carrying one, and Ryan the other. The duo had been too lazy to unload the stroller from the car.

Seth held Piper in one arm and a fudge cicle in the other, as did Ryan with Madison and his fudge cicle.

"I wonder who made these things." Ryan said examining his ice cream

"God." Seth said.

Ryan looked at his "brother", and rolled his eyes. Suddenly Seth stopped dead in his tracks…

"What's going on man?" Ryan asked 

Seth nodded down the board walk to where Luke was standing with some girl.

"That bastard!" Ryan said beginning to head towards Luke.

"Don't even Ryan, he;s not worth it." Seth said.

"Here." Ryan said handing Seth Madison.

"Woah! Ryan! Ryan!" Seth called as Ryan charged down the boardwalk.

"Ryan what's up man!" Luke said.

Ryan greeted him with a fist in the face.

"What the fuck man!" Luke said wiping the blood from his mouth.

Ryan yanked him up by his collar.

"You stay away from my girlfriend!" He said slamming Luke against the wall

"I don't know what you are talking about Chino!" Luke said

"I am talking about you raping my girlfriend!" Ryan said through gritted teeth.

"Look man theres no need for this." Luke said putting his hands up

"Really? Then stay the hell away from Marissa. I swear if I see you anyway near her it's over."

"Whatever Chino." Luke said pushing Ryan off of him.

"No, whatever… Newport." Ryan said giving Luke one alst shove against the wall.

Ryan was sitting on the couch with Piper and Madison when Marissa returned from the jail.

"Hey baby." Ryan said standing up, lying the girls on a yellow blanket on the floor. 

"No, you can sit back down." Marissa said kissing him.

Marissa was the first to kneel down next to the girls.

"Hey sweet hearts. Mommys here." 

Ryan watched Marissa with the girls. She had grown up so much since he met her. She was his girlfriend… Piper and Madisons mother…

"How was your day?" Marissa asked Ryan

"Alright, yours?"

"Alright." She said nodding, with a small smile.

"I have something planned for us tonight."

"Oh really?"

"Yep." Ryan said

"Good, I'm up for anything." She said kissing her cheek.

That night Marissa had been dragged into the main house by Summer and Dylan, where Kirsten was doing her makeup, Summer getting her dressed, and Dylan attempting to do something to her hair, while Piper and Madison were in their play pen in Sandy and Kirstens room where they were staying that night.

Ryan was in the pool house with Sandy and Seth. Sandy was attempting to show him how to tie his bow-tie. After being in Newport so long it was a wonder that he had yet to pick it up.

"You ready man." Seth said patting his brother on the shoulder

Ryan nodded as though he was trying to swallow a lump in his throat.

"You will do fine son." Sandy said giving him a manly hug.

Ryan, again, nodded.

"We should get out of here dad." Seth said.

Sandy checked his watch.

"Oh yeah, lets go!" He said rushing Seth out, patting Ryans shoulder on the way.

Marissa stood outside of the poolhouse. She could see Ryan sillouette walking back and forth in the window. She grinned. Ryan Atwood, nervous? Never. She thought to herself sarcastically.

She slowly tunred the knob, and Ryan stopped mid-pace.

"Wow." He said.

Marissa was wearing a long black dress. Her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders. She wore a simple necklace and a matching bracelet. Marissa was a girl who had to put no effort into looking beautiful. Ryan smirked at the realization she was not wearing any shoes.

Marissa noticed her boyfriend looking at her feet.

"The shoes weren't very comfortable…" She said blushing, taking Ryans hand.

"You look beautiful." He said

He led Marissa to the big window that looked out over the pool. The wind blew the plams, playing the couple their own sad love song.

"You are amazing." Marissa said

Ryan leaned forward and lit the candles.

"I know." He said smiling.

Then the door opened.

"Dinner is served." Dylan said coming in, wearing a white shirt and black slacks.

She sat the tray of lobster in front the two…

"Oh my god Dyl!" Marissa said smiling

"Have a good night Coop." She said leaving the two alone.

"Ryan, I don't know what to say…"

He smiled at Marissa Cooper, the love of his life… now and forever… They had come so far…

__

He returned to her bed and pulled off Marissas mud caked pants. He stepped back and put his hand over his mouth when he saw her thighs. Both legs covered in deep cuts. Dried blood was covering them. He tried to get over the sight as he stripped off her shirt. He saw the same thing on both of her wrists. 

Ryan spoke but Marissa was not listening to what was coming out of his mouth. There was so much to take in those moments. She felt feelings towards Ryan that she never knew anyone was capable of feeling. She used to feel hopeless…

__

Marissa suddenly felt dizzy. A sharp pain shot up her spine. She entered her bathroom and curled up in the floor in a ball, crying. She didn't know why she had these random breakdowns, it just happened. She looked at her reflection. She stared once again for so long, as she always felt herself doing. Suddenly she remembered something. She opened up her medicine cabinet, and immediately found what she was looking for. There infront of her sat a bottle of her fathers pain medication. She thoughtlessly grabbed the bottle and downed a couple of pills not even bothering to get water.

No longer did she need artificial means of happiness…. All of the happiness that she needed lay in her family, and in the man in front of her.

Ryan never imagined that he would be living in the Newport social scence, and be in love with the girl of his dreams… Actually she was more than just the girl of his dreams… He never dreamed a girl as amazing as her could be obtained… by the kid from Chino at least…

__

Ryan smelled the scent of Marissas hair as she settled back against his chest. He wished that they could stay like that forever. In that moment, with the girl of his dreams lying in his arms he felt as if anything were possible.

Marissa never made Ryan feel like the under dog. She needed him as much as he needed her… still needs…

__

Marissa jumped out of the bed and grabbed Ryan tightly, her whole body shaking from her harsh sobs. Ryan held her shaking body firmly against his. He pulled her to the bed and laid down beside her, and held her until she fell asleep, whispering in her ear, "I will help you if it's the last thing I do. You just have to let me in." 

And she just that… she let him in. 

__

She had to wait to steady her hand before she began. She pushed the tip of the razor into her arms and slid it across. A satisfying amount of blood showed with each push, each pull of the razor, until Marissa sat, covered in her own blood. And in the peace she now felt, she fell asleep… still bleeding

Now Marissa goes to bed with a different comfort… knowing that Ryan will be there holding her tight when she falls asleep, and when she wakes up.

Ryan was there for her than more than she could have imagined…

__

She fell through the window onto her mattress. She lay there on her bed for what seemed like forever until it sunk in, … she had been raped, … by Luke. She ran to the trash can and threw up as the realization sunk in., or maybe it was her hangover.

Ryan and Marissa had the strength that one another lacked… without each other they were lost. They were seemingly one sould within two bodies…

__

"So hows she doing?"

"Better. Ryan said. "Yeah, I mean she is sick all of the time. I think it's just stress though." Ryan said looking at Seth out of the corner of his eye, waiting for a reaction.

"What do you mean sick?"

"I don't know. She just gets really nauseous around food early in the morning and late at night."

"She's pregnant Ryan." Seth said looking up from the experiment, his expression getting serious.

So what Piper and Madison were biologically Lukes? They were Ryans daughters, … he was their father… and as much as Marissa tried to change that-

__

*I've taken up too much of their time, I have to show them that I am better. I have to show Ryan that I am better…*

It seemed that fate had other plans…

__

"You got all that you wanted from me." Marissa said looking at the ground and lowering her voice so he didn't see the tears coming to her eyes.

"You know you liked it baby." Luke said looking like he was doing his best impersonation of Danny from Grease.

Marissa got up just before he touched her arm, and ran out of the room. Luke followed her out.

"Hey Marissa where are you going?"

Luke asked pulling her into the locker room.

"Luke please let go of me!" She pleaded as he shoved a rough uncaring hand up her skirt.

"Or what? Will you scream?"

The two silently hoped and prayed that Luke would remain a distant memory… They ahd overcome so much already though if he ever happened to pop up again, there was no doubt in either of their minds they could handle it. Because their love was just that strong…

When Marissa found out she was pregnant… she thought her world was over , until that night…

The moonlight outside reflected off of the water. The palm trees gently blew in the breeze. In that moment Marissa felt as though she would never see another sight so beautiful as long as she lived.

She slowly slid herself out of Ryans arms, and tip-toed into the bathroom, careful not to wake anyone. 

She leaned against the door, as her body weakly slid to the floor. Her hand went to her abdomen. There was a baby in there. Marissa found the whole thing hard to fathom. She felt it for the first time since she found out she was pregnant. She felt like she wanted it. She felt she had to protect it. 

It was the first time that she remembered feeling anything towards Piper and Madison, … and the last thing until-

__

Marissas thoughts often drifted to Ryan, Seth, Dylan, and the rest of the Cohens. Where were they? What were they doing? Had Seth and Dylan hooked up yet? She couldn't stand not knowing. But truly, deep, deep, down in her heart she believed that they were better off without her.

Her stomach fluttered at the thought of Ryan. Or maybe it was the baby kicking. Marissa often wondered if it was a boy or a girl…, what it would look like… how she wished Ryan would be there for the birth… 

Something of Ryans was always with her, Even when they were apart he was her safety net…

_The breeze blew coolly across her face. She hugged Ryan's jacket around herself tightly. She pulled the knit cap down further over her ears. She had never remembered it being so cold in October. Maybe because this was her first time on the streets._

The separation from Marissa had been the hardest thing that Ryan ever had to endure… but the reunion… well he hated to say almost made it worth it…

__

Suddenly Ryan heard footsteps behind him… he dropped his pen

"You don't have to write me anymore."

Ryan turned around to see Marissa smiling at him. The two in tears hugged each other, Ryan knew he could never let go.

And so it went that they reunited…. Again

And then there was everything that came after…

__

Ryan stared blankly into space, with Pipers finger wrapped gently around his own… He was worried about he and Marissa… but he knew that they had both gone through too much to not make it work, or try at least. And regardless of what happens with he and Marissa Ryan knew that he would always be there for his daughters… he would give them the father that they had always drempt of. When Pipers light brown eyes looked up at him, and she smiled showing her mothers dimples, he knew that it would be okay…

Marissa knew that this was her life… Ryan, her daughters, the Cohens, Summer, Dylan… She had her dad back. This was it. This is all that she needed.

__

Marissa awoke hours later that night from not feeling the warmth of Ryans arms around her. She sat up slowly in bed becoming alarmed… then she saw it. Ryan was in the doorway across from the bed, gently swaying from side to side… He wore only his red plaid pajama pants that Marissa got him for Christmas the year before, now it being Summer are terribly out of season. She was wearing his trademark wife beater. Based on the pink pajamas Marissa saw peeking out, she knew that he was holding Piper in his arms. Her small head rested gently in the crook of his arm. Ryan muscles flexed as he held her, hiding her protectively behind them, … Piper being smaller than his muscle.

The moonlight glowed and reflected off the pool onto the two. Marissa knew that she would never forget this moment.

So many moments that neither of the would forget… that made up their history, … as Ryan and Marissa, so much more than two parents… two teens,… two kids with two lives… two lost souls… what they were, … are is indefinable… and that is okay.

Marissas green eyes looked up at Ryans to find them staring back at her… And then Ryan stood up…

"Ryan what are you doing?"

Then Ryan got down on one knee… 

"Marissa Cooper…" He began

……… But that's another story

The End… or not?

****

Hey! I really need you guys to review! Even if you never have. Next story. Piper and Madison will either be

~ 5

~7

~10

~13

~16

I really want to know what you guys want. I want to know plotlines, couples WHATEVER! Does anyone else have kids? Do Kirsten and Sandy retire and move to Florida? Seth/Dylan/Summer? Any new characters? The return of Luke? The return of Julie Cooper? TELL ME!

Xoxo HaLeY


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